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I still can't believe it. I look at these pictures and I CAN'T believe it. Of all the people - I think that's how everyone feels. It's hard to imagine a life without _____. This is still really hard and truly BIZARRE. Please take care of everyone. I don't understand this. I can't get my head around it, even now - probably NEVER

posted by: Anonymous |

It's one of those nights I would have been calling you...nervous, I start my new job tomorrow...stephie goes to her first day at a big law firm...are you proud? I hope so. I could kind of hear those words...steph I'm sooo proud of you...I miss talking to you and calming my nerves with your never ending belief in what I am capable of...wish me luck babe!

To all the avid readers of this site, my sister has posted a blog about sunil on her personal site, take a look it is truly amazing. And see the comments that some of her readers have posted on her site (besides the ones they have posted here). I believe it is the second post on her blog now....
www.sunilspage.com

posted by: Stephanie |

"t seems like yesterday we used to rock the show, i laced the track u locked the flow, so far from hanging on the block fo dough, Notorious they got to know that life aint always what it seems to be, words cant express what u mean to me,even though u gone, we still a team, through ur your family i'll fulfill your dream.in the future,cant wait to see, if u open up the gates for me , reminice sometime, the night they took my friend i try to block it out but it plays again. When its real feelings are hard to consider cant imagine all the pain i feel. Id do anything to hear half your breath. I know u r still living ur life after death.Every step i take, every move i make, every single day every time i pary, ill be missing u. Thinkin of the day, when u went away, what a life to take what a bond to break il be missing u. Its kind of hard when ur not around, i know u r in heaven smilin down, watchin us as we pray for u, every day we pray for, Till the day we meet again, in my heart is where i wil keep u friend. Memeories give me the strength i need to proceed strenght i need to believe. my thoughts bigger just cant define, i wish i can turn back the hands of time. Us in the six, shop for new clothes and kicks u and me takin flix, makin hits stages they recieve u on, still cant believe ur gone give anytthing to hear half ur breath, i know ur still living ur life after death. Every step i take, every move i make, every single day every time i pary, i'll be missing u. Thinkin of the day, when u went away, what a life to take what a bond to break i'l be missing u.One glad morning when this life is over, i know i will c ur face." I was introduced to this song by one of my good friends today. It is by P. Diddy. He wrote this song about his good friend Notorious B.I.G. When i was listening to the song, i couldnt help but think of u. This song tells exactly the way i feel. It is a terrible tragedy that happened. U were like my brother and i never even got to thank u for everything that u did for me. I wish that u were here rightnow so that i could thank u. I am always thinkin about u. I will never forget u and all the stuff that u did for me. R.I.P dear sunil chachen.

posted by: Jicky |

Yo...what's up man...

Happy Belated Memorial Day to you. Make sure you say thank you to all of the troops up there as well.

Things are going down here as expected. Still living day by day. I know you know but I got the job. Thanks to you. First Steph with the awesome semester, now me with the job...everything is coming up SUNIL right now.

I went to a wedding on Saturday. First big one, since you had passed. I was having a pretty good time talking with old friends and such. However, it all came crashing down as I saw a "Best Man" get up there to roast his best friend the groom. I thought about how you would never get the oppurtunity to do that for any of us. Or even worse, we would not have the oppurtunity to do it for you. Just another subtle reminder that you will not be around anymore.

I guess you must have felt my pain, for you did come to me in a dream. It was quick and kinda weird and I don't understand it at all. Can you at least show up and not call me on my cell phone??? Come on dude, you are better than that...I just miss you sooo much.

Take care man, and if possible why don't you stop by and tell your sister Happy Birthday!!!!

posted by: Prasanth |

I heard of this through Melissa Anelli's blog and was so touched that I had to say something.

To all of you that were close to Sunil, my thoughts are with you. Never forget this amazing man, I know I won't. Remeber he is watching over you every minute of every day. Keep his memory alive in you hearts forever.

posted by: Anonymous |

hey bro... its been awhile since i was here, but i talk to you almost every night. Its soo hard sometimes to think that your not around to annoy ur mom and ur sister, to get yelled at by your dad for not waking up early for church, to see you watch little kiddie movies with my sister. I dunno man... its just crazy. Everytime i come to your house i keep tryin to imagine what u would do with the baby. How would u play wit him, wut would u call him, how u would freak out when the baby pooped...haha... Soo many things i wish i could see. i want to thank you for being there for me when i needed you. WHen i had doubts about things you offereed some sound advice... i also wanna thank you for giving me the courage to do and say the things that i had to say, i just hope that you'll help and guide me still as i try to meet my goals and make u proud.

posted by: Anonymous |

whats up brother? I keep having to go by that place on 6th all the time now. Can you please arrange for me to not go by there, it makes it very difficult.

PS - Help!!

posted by: Tommy |

Even though I didn't get the chance to meet Sunil, he seemed like an amazing person, of which we need more in the world we live today, he seemed like a relaible person, in whom you could rely on always. I hope I'm half of the caring person he was when I grow up. Sunil, have the great life up there you deserve!

posted by: Adex |

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

posted by: Diane |

I know that was you goofying on me when I fell asleep on the train and woke up all confused. Pretty funny.

I know you are well. Stop by more often, and dont scratch my head and walk off....

Miss you.

posted by: Tommy |

The Mets worked out that double-header today, no?

Props to a great squad aside: too many last-minute and extra-inning saves to be mere coincidence. Nice work. On the Subway Series, especially.

Can ya do something about Billy Wagner, though? Give him a great smart-ass Sunil lecture - a dropping of science - in his sleep? And be sure to stop by my sleep for the instant recap.

Miss ya, kid. Really.

Your Pal,
A-L
XOXO

posted by: Anna-Lisa |

Sunil -

Really wish I could have been there to say my proper goodbyes. Being all the way on this side of the pacific makes everything that is happening in NY seem so surreal. I'm sure it will hit me harder when I touch down again on NY soil and see how things have changed. Apologies for losing touch, seems geographic distance does that to people. I miss you man. I looked up to you. I'm honored to be in your fanclub along with the rest of the long list of posters above.

posted by: Koji |

Was that you conjuring that dream into my sleep last night? I didn't get to see you...but I know you know what it was about. All day, I thought about what it could have possibly meant. Tonight, I feel the most peaceful since before you left. Perhaps it was my way of saying what needed to be said - thank you for giving me that dream. I don't think I am strong enough to have dreamt it on my own.

Hearing of how many people you have visited in their dreams gives me hope that you will visit me in mine soon. I hope it is soon...it has been some time since I've seen your beautiful, smiling face. I hope you're having fun up there. With love - always.

posted by: Diane |

Like many others, i don't know Sunil. I found this page from Melissa's blog. I feel almost ashamed at myself for not knowing Sunil earlier. I wish there was a word, so powerful, majestic, and passionate enough to describe someone so fantastically amazing as Sunil.
It's beautiful how Sunil can touch the lives of so many. He touches his close family, friends, people who have gone through tough times, people like me who are only 14 years old and living in Korea, and people he simply glanced at or shared a quick hello.
i just think its amazing to know that no matter how different we all are, he brings us all together and gives us this common knowledge. God mustve needed someone right by him, and couldnt find an angel perfect enough, and had to borrow Sunil. i say "borrow" because he is still with his family and friends, and one day up above, he'll be able to continue life as if it never ended.
Like ive said, i never knew him. Which is weird considering this amazing connection and emotion i feel for him, and those close to him. He must be so grateful to all of his loved ones. This website itself is an amazing accomplishment. There is so many more ways to describe what Sunil has done. If someone were to ask, "What did Sunil accomplish in life on Earth?" im sure the answer would be simply one word. "Love".

good luck to all!

posted by: Nicole |

Hey buddy.. It's been a while since I've written anything. I just wanted to drop by to say hi. I'm seeing more and more people that have never met you come to this page to pay their respects. I think it's amazing... just like you. Anyways, I need some help from you this week. I have some tough decisions to make. It would be nice to have you watch over me.. talk to you later.

posted by: one of your boys|

Dude! Can you believe this! Do you see where your step-on-me is sitting! And the view....I think I can almost see every place we've ever hung out from this vantage point lol. I also see a lot of clouds and sky...keep looking in on me please. Love you.

posted by: Stephanie |

Here I am...sad again tonight. I find myself crying again and again. Just when I think I'm gaining strength, I tumble back down into this circle. It's funny, Sunil. I still expect to see your face...I expect to see your name appear on my caller ID, I expect you to just show up with that big grin acting as if nothing's even happened. It's true what they say...it gets easier to hide your true feelings. I can con the best of them with a smile...people exclaim "You look like you're doing better!" I want to laugh hysterically in their face...but instead I smile and nod, and act like yes - life is indeed better. It's funny...can you believe it's June? The other day, I thought it was still March...I guess that's when the world stopped revolving. I feel like time is going at warp speed, and I'm stuck in slow-motion. I miss you Sunil. I miss you every moment of the day...beneath the artificial smile, I'm just simply missing you.

posted by: Anonymous |

Sunnnnnnilllll!!!

Man I miss calling your name out like a game show host calls out that excited contestant. You used to present that same excitement to everyone everyday of your life. I used to carry your Harriman address with me to drop you a postcard at any time, what ever street corner or deep wooded park i was in. Where can I send it now Sunil? I love ya man!!!

posted by: jim |

How are you? Where are you? What are you doing? When will you visit again? I hope you're happy, especially now that your lil one is here with us finally. It felt like it took forever for him to get here. Do you approve? Nis sends me pics every couple days and that's as close as I've been to him lately. I can't wait to hold him and play with him. Come on, I've had some practice with the Thomas Three :~)

I have not seen your mom in a bit. How is she doing? Have you given her at least some of the peace she needs?

How about Josh? I haven't seen him either in a bit. How is he doing? I hope you have visited him and given him some peace as well. He desperately needs it. At least he can keep busy with his new lil bundle of joy, Olivia.

Well, I just wanted to say hi. I will talk to you again soon.

posted by: Jamy |

Hey Sunilchayen,

Just wanted to say thank you for making me realize that I should try and do all that I can now before I leave this earth. Teaching me to love as much as possible. In the end, that's all that counts anyways. Hope your having tons of fun up there! See ya when I see ya. Love, Sharon.

posted by: Sharon |

New pics of Jonathan Sunil now posted. Newest pics are first.

posted by: Nisse |

Even though we weren't terribly close Sunil, I continue to think of you and pray for you. I hope that all is well with you up there. I am sure that you are looking down on all of your family and friends with a big grin on your face. Please watch over us and help us get through the trials and tribulations that life brings. I miss you man!

posted by: Anonymous |

I was walking through Washington Square today. Somehow my iPod started playing "Coldplay - Talk" right when I hit the park where you and I used to always run into each other. I choked back tears. I can never listen to this album without thinking of you. Sunil, I still can't believe you were the one. What is this supposed to teach us? Show us? I am so confused. I went to Lunasa also tonight, the place of the first F Work party - great night, I still remember you bringin the donuts just like at church. Man.

posted by: Anonymous |

Hey sunil!!
I havent written in a looong time. Ive been sooo busy with rotations. I finally found some free time, and first and foremost i want to congratulate you on your BEAUTIFUL nephew. You must be sooo proud right now.
I also want to thank you for visiting me in my dreams...twice in the same week...and how typical of u to bring josh with u!! Now i realize just how happy you are,and how proud u are of jonathan. Youre such a funny guy...even in people's dreams. When i told ur mom and dad they were near tears sunil because just hearing your name does that; they wish you would visit them too. Please let them see u too sunil. I know you are with them all the time, but they also need something to know that you are happy there.
Like someone once said...time heals everything. But its not really working as fast as one would think.
We love you sunil. I'll see u in my prayers, and if i get lucky..in my dreams as well.

posted by: Jisha |

Hey bro

its been a while...
but i do float on here often enough to see how everyone else is doing.
Emails are down 68%
Complains about emails are down 87%

"Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that." HJS

Things aren't the same... and i guess they will never be...

Thanks for the light and for the laughter

Rest in peace my brilliant friend

posted by: Binu |

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, "Grow, grow."
~The Talmud~

All of your loved ones are truly fortunate to have you as their angel. You definitely have left a huge imprint on the hearts of every soul you touched. Thank you for being an amazing inspiration to everyone. This dedication page is a beautiful representation of the wonderful life you lived.

posted by: Anonymous |

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, "Grow, grow."
~The Talmud~

posted by: Anonymous |

What's up brother...been a little while since I wrote. I am sorry for that. I started my new job this week. Whoa, what a difference. They are actually expecting me to work hard. I used to work real hard, but then stuff at my old job settled down after the merger. Then, all my will to work stopped on March 17th. I walked around my old job like a zombie. I never really worked unless the roof was caving in and nobody else could take care of it. I knew I had to get out of there, because everything somehow reminds me of you.

A few of us got together the other night to share a few cocktails and some good ol' laughs. Felt like I hadn't seen them in awhile. When everything happened on 3/17/06, we were all together for what felt like 5 years, not 5 days. So as we sat around and the conversations went from our follies at work, our plans for the weekend, and of course your other great pastime...TV. Bincy and Dan didn't believe that Sherman Helmsley was gay. I had to do some hard internet searching today to prove my point.

But the more poignant moment came a little bit later. We all sat there and tried to remember the words to "The Jefferson's" theme song. I tried my best, however I could never get those 3 tough lines right in the middle of the song. I always lose it after "Fish don't fry in the kitchen...Beans don't burn on a grill" I still remember you and I sitting in my basement on a Sunday night. We both decided that we were going to call in sick on Monday. So I "watched" Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and you drank a bottle of vodka. You mentioned The Jefferson's, and I once again said I didn't know the words to the theme song. The savant that you are..pulled out your Palm Pilot and had the lyrics downloaded. Considering the condition we were both in, it was amazing to think that the two of us could sit in my basement and just start belting out Movin' on Up...Man, we really did love singing together!!!

I did not want to share that story with everybody last night. I thought about it instantly, but I felt it was just going to be too tough to deal with after the laughing would have stopped. I left shortly thereafter (not before a wildly entertaining Family Ties recollection). I hopped in that cab, and I cried my eyes out. I missed you soo much, but at the same time I was still dying to know the damn lyrics to Movin' On Up!!!! I was able to get home and log on right away to look it up. I look forward to seeing you some day and singing that song once again. I promise I'll memorize the lyrics.

Peace out Brother...

posted by: Prasanth |

Yesterday, I went to visit my Achen. I hadn't seen him in about a month and wanted to see how he was doing. I was looking forward to seeing him and drove all the way from church to his home. To my dismay, I couldn't find my purse with my credit cards, money, etc...I was in a silent but deep panic, trying to contain myself as Achen was waiting inside. How could I be so stupid, where did I put my stuff, did I leave it somewhere, did someone steal it, what do I do?! I was dreading the consequences and could hear Achen calling my name. I walked up the stairs, my mind going a mile a minute and taking deep breaths. All of a sudden, I stop in my tracks and see your picture sitting in his cabinet. I immediately went over and started talking to you. I just wanted to say thanks for listening and calming me down because no one else wanted to come near me, especially my parents!! Even now, you know how to diffuse a situation. Hope you are flying around with your cool wings, having fun with my other beloved friends who are up there with you. I can only imagine what havoc all of you must be causing up there, but it always makes me smile through my tears... Miss you..

posted by: Sheela |

whats up sunil, just wanted to say hi, and let you know that I miss you alot, even though I didnt see you all the time, knowing you all my life makes me love and miss you so much. I havent seen much of the boys since everything, but I keep them all in my heart and prayers. I am gonna have to make more of an effort to see them, cause time is too precious. I heard the song "fix you" the other day, first time in a while, and like every other time I heard it, I started crying, miss you man, hope all is well up there! You are always on my mind!

posted by: jojo |

Hey Sunil-
How you doing? I just wanted to say hi! I have been thinking of you a lot and seeing you in some random dreams... I hope that wherever you are, you have that big grin of yours on your face. I still can't get over how many people you have in your life that dearly and truly adore you. I can only hope to have half the amount of great friends in my lifetime. Keep watching over us..and don't forget to have fun and laugh like you always did down here:) I miss you lots. Take Care Sunil!

posted by: Anonymous |

I have never met Sunil, which I regret...

But that does not mean that I do not feel saddened by the loss of a truly good and loving person.

I can only offer my deepest sympathies to those of you who knew Sunil.

Thank you for sharing this with me, I know that I will never forget.

"Death is but the next great adventure"

posted by: vha |

did you come to me yesterday? since you've been gone, i've thought about you more than ever before. i visit this page every few weeks but i haven't had the courage or wherewithal to say anything meaningful. i still don't. but i read another person's post on this about their memory of you and one line they wrote was EXACTLY what happened to me yesterday. was that you? were you telling me that it's ok? that you forgive me? i can't tell you how sorry i've always been for hurting you, but i know that you know even if i was too selfish to admit it.

posted by: Anonymous |

I didn't know Sunil but he looks like he could've given anyone a rib craking hug and a huge smile. All these pictures and comments remind me how one person can be loved and that we aren't alone. Rest in Peace dear Sunil you shall be missed.

posted by: Jesse |

I heard Puffy sing that song he wrote for Biggie and I started to think about you.

Its been more than 3 months since your call and I still cannot believe that this happened. I miss your rants about 24 or how the Big Unit is past his prime, etc..

I just miss you. I have this heavy heart which was better but seems heavy again. I hope you are well in your new responsibilities. I'm sure it is a big assignment.

I will be at the Yankee/Met games this weekend and though a Yankee fan, I will not be disappointed with any outcome.

With lots of love.

posted by: Tommy |

Now Tommy let's not get crazy. I know how much we are all hurting, but can you imagine the laugh Sunil got when you said you don't care for the outcome of Mets/Yanks this weekend? Get a grip man. Do you realize the Mets have an Angel who is rooting soo hard for them that they are up 11 1/2 GAMES in JUNE?!?!?!?!?!?

Even though Sunil is not here with us, I will never stop doing the things we both enjoyed doing. One of them being arguing with all of us about Yanks/Mets. So Sunil, enjoy the games this weekend. You got one of the greatest clutch pitchers going for you this weekend and his name is NOT Pedro. Too bad his best memories were made when he was wearing pinstripes. Do the Mets have to pay healthcare coverage since El Duque is probably eligible for Medicare???

Happy Trails...miss ya brother....Go Yanks!!!

posted by: Prasanth |

Sup sunil,

I am in the midst of organizing the first softball game of the summer for us this sunday. Viji hooked us up and got us 5 permits in july and august. We are playing in the North Meadow, around 97th street. Man, there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do to have you in the field with me that day, running around the outfield with a nice big frothy red cup in our hands. You wearing those sunglasses even on an overcast day. And of course the Mets hat. I am going to reserve my comments for another day cause i promised you at the wake I would root for the Mets this year...I have been trying. I haven't said anything negative about them if that counts for anything. I was talking to Shinu yesterday and he was recounting the day you and him went out to buy your gloves. Man, that made me real sad.

This isn't getting any easier buddy. I wish you saw Olivia before you left. I wish you saw Jonathan. I wish I called you that day to tell you let's get lunch instead with Jui. I wish I saw you the night before. I keep on wishing for things but nothing comes true. I wish I could just see you.

love you brother

posted by: Joshua |

Hi Sunil,
I just wanted to drop a quick line to say hello. I'm sure you're having fun up there. I think of you every day, and miss you dearly. You've inspired me in so many ways.

Hugs,
Lina

posted by: Lina Patel|

Hey
For a while, I thought I was past all this grief and sorrow. I didn't realise that I buried it to deal with after school ended and everything slowed down. Now that I have nothing to do, I have time to think. I don't really know if that's a good thing. I miss you soooo much. Everytime I see your picture or something else that reminds me of you, I feel like someone just slapped me because it's just another reminder that this is all I that's left. I tried hard to forget you and maybe that would erase these regrets and miseries, but that just made you all the more constant in my thoughts. Thanks for the little signs you send. I promise I will find that book. I'm not sure but I think I heard your voice in my dream, but I wasn't lucky enough to see you. Next time can you make sure I see your smile at least?
Waiting for you to visit.....

posted by: Teena |

Hey cuz, How is everything going? I wish you were here with us right now rather than up there. It’s not fair. It really isn’t, but I guess I can’t do anything about that, right? So I graduated from school and I soo wish you were there to see “lil Trina” getting her degree. I know you would have been so proud. I know you were watching up from above, which I guess was a relief. I’m back in Dallas and trying to start my new life. The other day I turned on the tv and Saved by the Bell was on and right when I turned it on, guess what song they were singing!?..LA BAMBA!!..that brought a smile to my face. I wish I could see you again in my dreams, please come, I really miss you.

posted by: Trina |

Wow. It took a while but I finally racked up enough nerve to write something. Sunil's smile was something to behold. Ever since the first time I met him, there was never an instance where he did not greet me with those warm, endearing pearly whites. I feel truly blessed to have known someone who could make others feel so welcome, even without knowing them for an extended period of time. Even if you were a friend of a friend of a friend, Sunil was more than willing to share that smile with you. We should all be that way.

I first met Sunil through a friend but then really got to know him as I used to see him loitering outside my office building while he was interning at BNP Paribas. I worked in the same office buliding and recognized him one day at lunch. Subsequent to that, we would comisserate about working for the man everyday while we would be taking breaks from sitting behind the computer. We would always go to the same deli for lunch and whenever I saw him, I would ask what he was going to get. His response EVERY SINGLE TIME was "Philly Cheesesteak, man -- you can't go wrong". That was said with a big 'ol grin and it made me laugh out loud. It also made me wonder how this kid could eat the same thing everyday! Needless to say, he put on a few lbs during his stay at BNP.

Then when Sunil worked at JP Morgan, I ran into him again, this time professionally. One of our stocks was tanking and JP Morgan put out a big report on it. I looked at the cover and his name was listed as an associate. I called him up and the kid was all disheveled. He said he was sending out like 50 faxes a day to clients. He seemed very stressed and I got a laugh at his expense but as was his nature, he laughed along as well.

Given that we had these working moments together, Sunil and I discuseed career paths and work a fair amount. I knew he was having a tough time finding his ideal job and I was quite happy to hear when he told me that he was finally happy at his most recent job. It has been killing me to think about what could have been and I have slowly begun to stop doing that (it's not easy!). I have begun to try to model my behavior towards others the way Sunil was. I have tried to keep a positive attitude like Sunil did. I have tried to basically be a KIND, CARING human being just like our fallen brother.

Sunil -- You are sorely missed and although it took a while for me to gain the strenght to write something, please know that you had a tremendous effect on my life. I hope to see you on the flip side and this time -- Philly Cheesesteaks are on me!

Lots of Love....

posted by: Anil |

Funny, I hadn't looked at this page in a couple of weeks...and although I'm not from NY I was listening to the radio and hearing about the insane season the Mets are having only to have a conversation with some friends about it, and I thought to come back for a visit.

I always believed in angels, but it's all so clear now that you really exist.

posted by: Sarah |

I was so blessed last night to have a dream about Sunil. Although it was brief, I was able to see his beautiful smile which was even more radiant than I could remember (if you can even imagine that). He even gave me the thumbs up sign and a wink with that unique Sunil charm. Although it was disheartening to wake up and realize it was only a dream, I felt like he was telling me that he was okay and I'm sure that he is smiling right now in the way only he could. I spent the rest of my day in a daze and will never get that image out of my head....missing you Sunil, come visit me again!

posted by: Bindu |

Too hard to write something -- just wanted to let you know I have been visiting this frequently for the past 4 months and could never muster the strength to write.

I think about you a lot. I miss you.

posted by: Anonymous |

Hey Sunil,

Long time no write...but you've been in my thoughts...I'm finally making my way out to San Fran, can't wait to stand on that vista you are pictured on...yesterday, on my normal commute home, I was sitting on the bus, and oddly felt your presence... I looked to my left and there was this guy, I swear to god from the side profile I thought it was you...it was so weird I kept looking at him, he must have thought I was nuts, but each time I looked back, it was you...I moved over a seat and explained my antics, I showed him your picture that I carry with me, and apologized for my staring. Face front there was little likeness, but I couldn't believe the profile...it was like all those days I sat next to you in the courtyard, and looked over to you...it made me happy but sad too...come visit me soon...sometimes I think I haven't been ready to see you in my dreams yet, maybe that's why you haven't visited...I still think about you so much...most times I need to push the thought aside because I still can't believe this is real...your boys have done an amazing job, they try their hardest...every time Jake or Josh think I made need a pick me up, I get a call, or a text, they ask about my new job, or my boy situation...you'd be so proud...anyway...life is good right now, I really don't have anything to complain about...except not having you around to share things with...I miss you and I love ya babe! :)
Always,
Stephanie

posted by: Stephanie |

Sup buddy,
Whatcha up to...I just got to work a little while ago...and let me tell you...It is getting Madagascar HOT out there. I just got out of the subway and I am sweating like Patrick Ewing. Needless to say it is not a pretty sight. The summer is here and I guess things just aren't the same without you around. There haven't been any jaunts out in the city to hangout at an outdoor bar. We did play softball two weeks ago, but it just wasn't the same. We had Church Perunal last week and that REALLY wasn't the same for me. I didn't have any will to walk around the block this year. I know how much you used to love seeing the Yonkers Locals look at us walking down the street. Good times man...

I am looking forward to F Work Get Loaded III. Or as you would reference it..FWGL. The t-shirts should be here in a few days and I think they look good. I know the party was my idea, but nobody helped me out with it or made me believe it was a good idea more than you. I forgot that you brought donuts that first year. But I do remember Mr. "No Carb" eating pizza three separate times from Strombollis across the street. How do I know, I was there with you for the third meal, and you broke down and said to me..."Man, I have been here twice already today."

I still remember telling you about the idea for F Work for the first time and you saying.."Yeah dude, that's a great idea. Nobody hangs out as much anymore." That statement rings true now more than ever. However, one of the few things I am proud of is that no matter how busy we were, you and I always found time for each other. It didn't have to be a planned event. We didn't even have to be together. It could just be a phone call at the most weird time. "Dude, put Channel 5 on...there is a show about a bunch of women vying to marry a "Millionaire""...We stayed on the phone for almost 2 hours that night trying to figure out how a woman could just marry a guy she met on a TV show. "Dude, put on TNT...it's about to come up..." Without fail, if that line was mentioned by either of us it meant only one thing....Sean Connery was about to deliver one of the worst lines in movie history followed by a woman with the worst acting ability. The movie was Medicine Man. And if you have seen the movie you would know the line. Or maybe not, but I know Sunil and I would know it. (So would Pradeep and Ed from down the street.)

I see I am on one of my rambling bits again. I can't help it. So many different things come up whenever I think about you...I think I write some of this dumb stuff so at least there is a written record. Lord only knows how many stories I have forgotten about us.

Take care brother. I'm glad you are at least visiting a few people in their dreams. I just wish you would come by and say hello to me just once. Peace out...

posted by: Prasanth |

I did not know Sunil but feel like I knew him. I come to the cemetery in Highland Mills almost every day (with my 2 small boys - Jacque & Peppe). I have meet
Sunil's parents; his best friend and many, many other friends who come from the city to pay their respects. He was well loved! I am so sorry for your loss.

Diane McKiernan

posted by: Diane McKiernan|

Hi Sunil,
How have you been? Been thinking about you a lot...hope everything is going well with you. Keep smiling. Miss you.

posted by: Anonymous |

Hey, Sunil!

I am about to hop in a car with my dad for an improptu trip to A.C.... wish me luck!

However, the real reason I am writing is: two days ago, someone accused me of having rhythm worse than a "white Carlton". I have a sneaking suspicion that they could have never come up with that on their own. I could be in denial about my lack of skills on the dance floor - or it could be payback for years of referring to you as the Indian Carlton Banks. Eh, maybe it's both? Who knows.

Miss ya man.
Love,
A-L
XOXO

posted by: Anna_Lisa |

Sorry Sunu.. I just knowing more about you through this page only....

I want to share these with my family and friends in Malayalam, that too in my own publication. Pls send me some pictures and your suggestions to me

joji
( big kochumon )

posted by: Anonymous |

posted by: Joji |

Hey sunil,
Thanks for the invitation...and u know what im talking about.
You know, yesterday as i was doing my laundry, a thought just popped into my head and i thought to myself.."o my God, this monday is the 17th. it will be 4 months since sunil left us." That night in my sleep i saw a dream. It was just Nisse and me talking to each other at church, and how appropriate, in the BALCONY of all places. We both were sitting on the floor just going on and on. I dont quite remember what exactly we were talking about, but i do know that it was about you and about baby jonathan. To tell you the truth, i was disappointed that you were not there in person, but i knew you were there in some shape or form. Well, we went to church this morning, and all the while i was thinking about what this dream meant. And lo and behold, after service ended Binu comes up and speaks about this BALCONY Bible Study they organized for your memory today. And i said to myself...TA-DA! It was kind of freaky to tell you the truth sunil. And every time theres a bible study, i usually am not able to go. But today, i went. I made sure i went. And i felt so good when i left church today. It was like...like a completion of my dream...a happy ending.
We miss you so much sunil. Even 4 months later, it just feels like yesterday. Please come visit again, even if it is through nisse or anyone else. Its always a pleasure to hear from you. Keep praying for us down here.

Much Love

posted by: Jisha |

Hey PPPIC...just wanted to tell you that I miss you and I love you. But of course, you know all that already. It's been 4 months since you left, and it hasn't been easy realizing that you're not coming back. I know it's been a while since I've written on this site, but it's taken a lot of focus & energy to stay alive and to "live" life. I know you're off doing amazing things up there, but please stop by and visit me one night. I continue to be amazed by you...every day, I wake up with sadness that you are no longer here, but also with pride on the beautiful person you are. I smile every time I hear of another person you have touched, whether you met them or not. See Sunil...even though you're not around anymore, you can still make me smile & laugh. So you were right after all! I love you, and I hope you are content & happy.

posted by: Diane |

Hey mate, you know you are always with me wherever i go (except in the toilets i hope), just wanted you to know that not a day goes by that i don't think of you and miss you - every experience i have, good or bad, finds me almost sending you an e-mail or text and then i realize, well you know. Still can't even think about taking your old number off my cell, even though i see the number i get.....no words for that. Hope you're not giving them too much trouble up there bruv....much luv man! X

posted by: Jonathan Bartlett|

Sunil!! You are one AMAZING ANGEL..you know that! Thanks for the visit last night. That was one Looong dream! You made me laugh sooo much. I dont even remember half the things you said, we went to so many places...it was crazy! When i woke up this morning, it took me a while to realize that you actually showed up in my dream again. I guess you knew that i was going through hell that day, didnt you? You felt my pain, i have no doubt about it. Can u believe the nonsense that happened to me? How unbelievably ridiculous was that? I sure did not see that one coming. I didnt know if i should cry,or laugh, or what.. I just looked at the man in utter shock. There was so many... "wonderful things" i wanted to say to that man in his face, but i kept my cool; i was very professional. I dont know where i got the strength. One door shut right in my face, and miraculously the Good Lord opens up another one when i thought there was no way out. And im sure you had something to do with it. Thank you sunil for making me wake up this morning with a smile on my face,and making me forget the horror i went through yesterday. Its so funny that when you were here with us, we hardly ever spoke to each other, and now when youre gone...i feel like ive known you forever. This validates, and i always say this when i write to you, how Alive you really are. You have that gift of being there for people when they need help, and you do such a good job at it, and i just want to thank you for coming to see me when i needed help. It means alot to me. That was defintely a pleasant surprise. I'll see you later, and keep doing whatever it is that youre doing because it's working.
Lots of love sunu

posted by: Jisha |

Oh Sunil,

Oh the friends you have - they are always there to visit. How lucky you are to have so many true friends -- who car so deeply.

But on the other-hand how lucky they were to be your friend!

Diane (Jacque & Peppe)

posted by: Diane McKiernan|

What's up man...what's the deal..T-Minus 4 Days to FWGL III. I am soo ready for it...the tshirts came out real nice. It should be a good time.

"The Contender" started last week w/ back to back episodes. I don't know man, it's not the same as last year. I'm trying to find a few characters to latch onto, but they changed the format. First and foremost, Can you believe they got rid of Sly Stallone??? He was worth at least 4 unintentional comedy moments every episode. Sugar Ray is just as rigid and clueless as ever. They also got rid of those dumb challenges that were so fun to watch yet made no sense. They are taking all of the fun things out of the show that made it soo appealing. However, at least the actual boxing matches are still fun to watch. "FIVE ROUNDS OF BOOOOOXING ACTION" I know how much you loved that ring announcer. Or was that me??

I had a tough time sitting down and watching The Contender last Tuesday. When I went to hit the TiVo play button, I began to cry. I kept thinking how w/o fail at 7:58pm on sundays last year, you would just walk into my house holding a glass of something to drink (typically iced coffee w/ 3 equal packets in it) and would just start talking about who was going to fight tonight. I was a big Peter Manfredo fan..but you were always in the Latin Snake's corner (Sergio Mora). Of course we bet on who would win it all...and you won when Mora took home the championship.

I now will watch The Contender in solitude. But I know you are sitting right there next to me. I'll put my computer chair in the position you always liked it. Miss ya brother.

posted by: Prasanth |

Hey Sunil-
How you doing? I came to see you the other day and it was very hard seeing a grave stone rather than your beaming smile. I think about you and pray for you often...I hope that you can hear my prayers. Come visit us soon. I miss you Sunil.

posted by: Anonymous |

I'm in Seattle for a work conference, and my room overlooks the water. Thinking about how I told you you could tag along when I went on business trips. You were all on board with it. It would be nice to have you here right now...

posted by: Di |

Hi Sunil,

You know, we only met twice, and spoke maybe for a few minutes each time ... but I felt a loss when I heard that you had passed. Probably because you are a good person, which I knew right away when I met you. I knew you had a quiet, strong soul and I admired that. I am sorry that I did not get a chance to know you better. The more comments I read from your friends, the more I realize what a wonderful soul you must have.

Best wishes to your family. I know you are watching over us all.

posted by: Amy |

Hey kid -- Just saying hi. Wanted to let you know that I miss you and think of you often.

posted by: Anil |

Seems like ever since you left... things have just been goin non stop downhill... nothing seems to be workin out... guess you were our like our family's good luck cow or something haha... anyway I hope your happy and are constantly keeping watch over us... we definately miss you man =\ ...

posted by: Tinu |

What's up buddy...Happy FWGL to you...raise a jack and diet for all of us today...

i was lucky enough to have seen you in a dream a couple of nights ago...it was you, my brother and i..we were kinda just hanging out, and laughing,and having a few drinks..it was weird though..during the dream, i was real happy to see you..but i kinda knew that it was a dream..as i was waking up, I knew that the harsh reality was going to slap me in the face...after seeing you in the dream, i think its made it a lot harder on me..those precious moments i saw you, it felt great seeing you laughing and being happy...now i just feel that emptiness...

trying to set our fantasy football league up again, but i'm missing my thorn in the side...its real hard to think about our fantasy football draft without you...we are going to miss you..

anyway, trying to get thru this day...leaving work early and heading down to Lunasa...

take care brother...

posted by: Pradeep |

New pixs of Jonathan Sunil as requested...

posted by: Nisse |

Hey Sun,

It's been a long time...haven't had the heart.

Mommy was organizing some of your stuff and found some of your books. One book had three post-it flags marking three poems/ballads. The book is "As I Walked Out One Evening" by W.H. Auden. I read this and realized that I had to share. Why did you flag this one?

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let the aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

We miss you. I miss you.

Chechi

posted by: Checi |

Waking up, morning after FWGL. It was an awesome party, you would have loved it!

I'm not sure what to say. You should have been there. Maybe I am still angry -- at God, at the world, and at you. Well, not really at you. But you know what I mean. It doesn't get any easier.

I know we will all meet again. Forgive my anger, confusion, tears, and sadness. I feel so hopeless, so lost, so frustrated. It's only because our world is forever changed without you.

Maybe one day this will all make sense to me. Until then, please stay close in my heart. You are so missed.

posted by: Anonymous |

Just not sure what is going on these days....
First you leave us and now Josh's father is ill...

I just can't deal with this all...what kind of test is this?

posted by: Anonymous |

Hey, Sunil -

Nothing fancy. I just miss you.

Had a talk with a friend tonight about Sarah Silverman, and 'Jesus is Magic'... he had seen the movie-version, but I told him about our night out seeing that shtick LIVE. And, I told him about when she walked by, while we were waiting outside of Fez, and you were like 'You think she's into Indian guys?'... and how, after the show, you were like: 'See, she made fun of everyone... BUT Indians"....

I sadly had to miss this year's FWGL... I remember the first year. It was so damn fun. Smoke breaks in torrential rain would have been far less conversational without ya!

Damn, I miss you. You are rare, man. But you inspire me to be better, every single day, none-the-less.

Have I mentioned that I miss you?

Your Pal,
A-L
XOXO

p.s. GO METS!
p.s. 2: got any insider tips for my fantasy-football draft?

posted by: Anna-Lisa |

What's up brother?

I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. I sit here and now I wonder? All these months, I was the one that was able to say OK, it happened. Now I start asking why?? what kind of bull s. is this?

I don't mean to be angry but I can't help it. I don't want to feel this way. But it seems like things are just going the wrong way for too many people. Not necessarily me, but in general. I am requesting you to go and speak to somebody and make sure Kolladan walks out of that hospital. Josh has been thru too much. Hell, we have all been thru too much. But Kolladan is needed down here. Who is my Dad going to talk to 5 times a week??

I don't know where that all came from...FWGLIII was a great time...In the words of Achen...it was a Grand Success!!! Everybody seemed to have a good time, and I think the goal of the party was accomplished. It was good to see everybody and in a positive atmosphere.

I was just listening to The Rolling Stones - Waiting on a Friend. I always loved the song, and I remember a long time ago talking to Binu John about the song. I recall him saying how it's one of the deepest songs when it comes to brothers caring for each other. This song means soooooo much more to me now.

When I miss you this much...it really does suck...

Waiting On A Friend by The Rolling Stones

Watching girls go passing by
It ain't the latest thing
I'm just standing in a doorway
I'm just trying to make some sense
Out of these girls go passing by
The tales they tell of men
I'm not waiting on a lady
I'm just waiting on a friend

A smile relieves a heart that grieves
Remember what I said
I'm not waiting on a lady
I'm just waiting on a friend
I'm just waiting on a friend

Don't need a whore
I don't need no booze
Don't need a virgin priest
But I need someone I can cry to
I need someone to protect
Making love and breaking hearts
It is a game for youth
But I'm not waiting on a lady
I'm just waiting on a friend

posted by: Prasanth |

miss u

posted by: stephanie |

Thanks Sunil for whatever you did or who ever you pestered. Thank you so much brother

posted by: Joshua |

Hey Sunil,
It was great to see you in my dream last night. I am glad that I keep seeing you, but I am wondering if you have a message of some sort that you are trying to send out? Regardless, it sure was awesome to see you smile and hang out with everyone again. miss you...

posted by: Anonymous |

so many random things have been reminding me about you lately. i'm not sure if there's a message you're trying to convey or if i'm just reaching in vain. if you were trying to tell me something, i hope it's what i thought it was.

i'm losing my memories of our times together. when i think of you now, i can see you on one of those first days: smiling, licking an ice cream cone and telling me all the things you did in the city while you waited for me to get out of work. it makes me feel better to remember that instant in which i just knew that there was something so innocent and sweet and heart-achingly vulnerable about you.

i still have a copy of one of your favorite books. you know which one. as you know, i never did get around to reading the dog-eared copy you lent me. i somehow came upon my own copy a few years ago but i can't get myself to read it. i'm not sure why. maybe b/c i'm afraid what i'll learn about myself if i do?

a friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago. you might have known him on earth. if you see him up there, tell him that i'm so glad we were able to reconnect and that i'm feeling his absence now. it doesn't seem fair that only the good ones like you and he are taken from us.

posted by: you know who|

Was away this weekend with the guys -- it was weird being around everyone without you physically being there. It's fair to say we all felt your presence with us. Wish I had more times like this with you. I miss walking around the parking lot of basketball tourneys sneaking cigarettes with you or simply talking about what was new in life. I feel like our time was cut short. Although my emotions get in the way of writing more often, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you a lot.

posted by: Anonymous |

Just: I miss you.

Is that weird, after this time? I do, though.

I miss telling you about things that are funny to me.

Maybe you know, though. Give me strength, then, in the weeks to come...

Your Pal,
A-L
XOXO

posted by: Anna-Lisa |

5 months today Sunil. Can't believe that much time has past and the amount of shit that has gone on. It's crazy. Not sure how much more I can take. Feel like I am dying inside. Can't seem to get a grip on things. If only you were here. I remember you told me once how many people lean on me and count on me even going as far as to make me feel guilty for pulling back some. Now the only thing I want is for you to be here so I could lean on you.

posted by: A Friend|

What's up brother...how you living?? Eternally huh?? must be nice....

5 months....five months of pure hell...Sorry I haven't wrote on here in a little while...but you know what's going on anyway...FWGL III was a great...in the words of Achen...it was a Grand Success. You would have been proud. Almost the entire crew was there and the extended members all had a great time drinking, playing poker, beer pong, and most of all laughing...

This past weekend was our lake house getaway for the guys. You would have been even prouder of us. It was a no carb diet feast. You name the animal and it was BBQ'ed somehow. I wish you were there to share the moments.

11:44pm on August 17th. This time five months ago, I was sitting in the passenger seat driving home from Newark Airport in utter and complete shock. I didn't know what I was going to say to your parents. I didn't know how I was going to handle the following few days.
The one question that never crossed my mind at the time, was how I was going to live my life without you? I am only beginning to realize what this is like. Not having you at FWGLIII, or at the lake house this past weekend. It is just not as fun anymore. I thought about you alot this weekend. One afternoon, we were sitting outside just me, Josh and Mano. One of us as usual made a great joke and as i laughed, I looked over and there was a big gap between where the three of us were standing. I have a feeling you were standing there completing the square. Lest I could not see you and I was very sad about that. I sit and cry here now thinking about that moment.

We are all trying to cope with this. Some of us are dealing better and some of us have somebody to lean on. The silence in Brookside is deafening.

I am glad you are visiting people in their dreams and letting them know you are OK. It helps me rest a little easier knowing you are annoying somebody else up there.

Peace out brother...

posted by: Prasanth |

Five months have passed my friend
And it feels like only yesterday we had our last glass of wine together
Enjoying the time and the place where we were at
It didn't matter where we were at
All of us found a way to enjoy our time together
2PM, Crack of dawn, right coast, left coast, dead of winter or the dog days of summer
Life was beautiful....

Five months have passed my friend
Politics isn't as intriguing without you to discuss it with
Technology isn't as cool without you to share it with
Friday nights in NYC isn't as chill without you to get Mamoun's with
The promise that tomorrow will be a better day isn't uttered
The future seems so less inviting
Is Life Beautiful?

Five months have passed my friend
And I feel like a weaker individual
You were a strong person ever since I knew you
And that is what you wanted out of everyone you knew
In life we get that privilege to learn from our friends
But we had so much left to learn from you
The time you gave us will always be cherished
And in the end...we know...because we knew you...
Life Is Beautiful!

posted by: jim |

I missed you at the Viju's black and white party, but dont worry I knew you were there and we saved you a seat for the photo.

I missed you this past weekend at the house. Sure we had lots of meat, the fire was great, the company too, but we all missed you and still missing you.

I was thinking about your parents when we met them at the airport that day, and the thought still brings lots of tears. Its been a very difficult 5 months for everyone, especially your family. They are always on my mind.

I hope you are doing great things in your new role. I'm sure that Upper Management is most impressed with your work.

Stop by and visit when you have a chance. I thought that was you the other day, but wasnt sure. Next time when you stop by, smack me in the head so I won't miss you.

posted by: tommy |

hey there...
you have been everywhere lately - not in my dreams but everywhere else...i stood on Twin Peaks last week, took a picture that looks an awful lot like the one you did...wish you were there with me to take it...i am so thankful that you brought me to some new friends who I will have for life, so thank you. And what was with the "wait list" thing for Australia ...it was almost as if you were punishing me for waiting so long to put the deposit in, but alas, I am off the wait list and am trying to figure out how to learn to dive in time to get to the great barrier reef...but I will get there...thanks also for helping me make some important realizations about my life...i have started to release a fear and since then my world has been a much better place...not as good as if you were here to share it with...but I'll take it...hey see what you can do about you know who, who is still on the wait list...please :)I miss you incredibly...we were sitting in sausilito at dinner, who do you think we were talking about! well I guess you know already...I have a big year coming up, I'll be calling on you for help...bar exam, australia, moving, etc etc etc...get your ears ready for my chatter...the best listener I've ever known...I've found someone who comes close, but no one will ever replace you sunil...love you...

posted by: step on me|

thank you.....you know why....

posted by: stephanie |

Since your departure, those you've left behind are forced to live with an emptiness. We think of you often and well but wonder why this happened.
At the same time, you still continue to inspire us to be better people. We refocus on the meaning of life since we've seen it's short and precious. We remind ourselves to respect our parents, friends, and selves. We decide to spend more time with those that are closest to our hearts to make certain they will never question our love. We continue missing you but rejoice in knowing that even though you are not here, you are shaping the way we live for the better.

posted by: A Friend|

Hey! I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been in the dumps thinking about SO MUCH lately and I just can't seem to snap the hell out of it. Can you offer any peace? The other day I was talking with a co-worker (actually complaining) about a birthday coming up and she told me to "celebrate the years you've already had". Duh!!!!

Random thought...since your death I've noticed many very subtle changes in people...positive changes. It is so refreshing to see people being more genuine with themselves and with each other. Did it take something so tragic like your departure for change to take place? I guess it did.

I have so much more to ramble on about but I will spare you :~) for now. I didn't even ask how you are doing but I know you know it's implied. You're always in my thoughts.

Oh my God! How can I forget to tell you Jub and I were almost fighting to hold the baby @ Deepa's Baby Shower. Before that I spent the afternoon with him (Nis actually trusted me to hold him while she took care of some errands...my practice came in handy). He didn't cry or fuss or anything...I can't wait to do it again. God, this sucks. Looking at the baby breaks my heart. He is so beautiful but you're not freakin here to hold him and help mold him into a good person like you. I'm so angry. I'm sorry but ever since he came along, I've just been so much more sad about the way God works. Maybe you can help me find some peace since you're closer to God than any of us here. I've already asked this of you today, haven't I? Help!!!

I did say I wouldn't ramble any more but I just had to. I miss you.

posted by: Jamy |

Hi Sunil,
Just wanted to say I miss you...you're in my heart, and in my prayers.

posted by: Lina Patel|

I really did not know Sunil that well…I first met him when I visited NY w/ his cuz...Sunil was the perfect tour guide and made sure we were all happy…When we went back to N.Y in June, I remembered the tips he gave us on walking the streets “make no eye contact, look straight ahead, hold your purse tight..” and so on… it was funny because we all looked like anti-social uptight tourists…:o)

Its very hard visiting this site....It’s weird b/c some of the comments hit right at home…my cuz passed away 5 years ago and it was also a sudden death….as I read some of the comments … its crazy how both these guys have soooo many things in common. (Passed away young, missed out on being uncles, social butterfly, funny, contagious smile) It’s so wonderful how ya’ll are so open..I look up to ya’ll b/c for me it was all just a huge blur, a numb summer... I still try to be the non-mushy soldier

In my personal experience I hate to say the pain still remains fresh... I still take double takes at strangers on the streets… I feel like its not perfect bc he wasn’t there at a birthday, a holiday, a party, a Sunday afternoon… I still can’t fathom the thought of deleting him from my cell. I keep comfort in thinking he’s just on a long vacation…. I lost count of the times I would sit back and envision the clever comments he would say at a particular moment and the array of laughs he would have brought to the table….But in all the pain comes hope, that one beautiful day we all can chill again…laughing, cracking jokes at heavens kitchen table..

Well…I just really want to thank ya’ll for giving me a glimpse of Sunil’s wonderful life by the heartfelt words ya’ll have said..It brings me both countless tears and a smile..something I could not truly do for a long time.

posted by: DT |

Hey buddy.. I'm here again. With tears in my eyes and hopeful thoughts in my head. It's been a rough few weeks. I know you know and have been here with me going through it. I still need your help though. I must sound like the most selfish person on here.. Everything is "i" or "me". So, before anything, i ask that you watch over two moms out there that i've talked to you about. They have cancer and they need you now. Also, please look out for my co-worker who died last week. He's there with you now. Show him the ropes up there. Finally, i ask that you look out for me again. Today is going to be another tough one. I went to church yesterday to talk about it. I hope you heard my prayers. I love you brother and i really miss you. I know what you would do in my situation and i am trying to follow you and do the same. Please watch over me..

posted by: A friend|

Hey Sunil! Well, i'm sure you were waiting at the hospital for Deepa's baby girl to be born, 17 hours of labor! She's cute right?! Did you see all the Purrell they had in the hospital? Everywhere you turn there was a bottle on a table or hung up on a wall. I'm sure you got a kick out of that:) What you think of our fantasy draft yesterday? Even though i wasn't there, had to do it over the phone from boston, we all missed you sooooo much. I could have used your help. I guess preparing a fews days before isn't enough. I love how you and the brothers really get into the draft. Maybe next year i'll really prepare.

I've been missing you so much at dinners, parties and events. But i know how much you love Deepa, I just wish so badly you could be here to see the baby. I know you saw her and played with her already, but i wish you were here.

I know you see me still struggling with certain issues, but thanks for all the other hook-ups. I feel your presence so strongly at times. Just keep watchin out for us and Baby Raskin. Go wisper in Deepa and Kevin's ears with a good name, they need some help.

I miss you brother....

posted by: Mano |

Hey Sunil,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. No excuses but you know you are always in my heart. Please watch out for the brothers man, all of us. Each of us are going through our own personal hell and need you for different reasons. Please help us and give us strength. Make us all understand that we can lean on each other for anything and no matter what we always be there for each other. I miss you man, please stop by in a dream and say hi, i could really use it.

posted by: Joshua |

"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, we'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again."

Author Unknown

Thinking of you....as always.

posted by: Tommy |

Here we are on the eve of 9/11...I can't help but think of you during this time, even moreso than normally. I'll never forget that hug or your comfort that day, when we all gathered at my apartment...I don't know if I could have emotionally handled that day without you around...or how we walked down to your apartment the next day, using your license to prove that you were really a John Street resident, and that you needed to get to your building...walking all that way, through all the rubble...our shoes covered in dust, the luggage carts from the airplanes strewn on the streets, the pieces of paper we found that looked as if they had fallen off of someone's desk...

Who's going to call me tomorrow though...you called me every year to say thank you for being with you those days, for giving you an uncomfortable couch to sleep on...you made sure that I would promise to call my cousin and tell her thank you too...I always thought of you when we neared this time...9/11 always makes us remember how lucky we are in our lives, and my vivid memories of that day always led me to thank my lucky stars for your friendship...I still thank god you were ever a part of my life...you are still an inspiration...it's unbeliveable that it is nearly six months...maybe instead of calling you could come see me in a dream...miss you my friend.......

posted by: Stephanie |

Hey buddy..
Thanks for last night. I'm glad i went and i'm sure you heard my prayers. Thanks for looking out for me and the brothers that are being very supportive.

posted by: A friend|

Hey, man -

Things are looking up, as I am quite sure you would have told me that they would, indeed...

Also: the Mets to clinch, like, soon!

I miss you.
Your Pal,
A-L
XOXO

posted by: Anna-Lisa |

Its like 430am on sep. 16 and all i can do is think about you. I miss you soo much sunilchachen. As i was tryin to sleep, i kept tossin and turning and thnkin of you...I didn't even realize that we were gonna pass the 6 month mark since you've left us untill i checked my phone to see wut time it was. It still catches me off-guard, i constantly keep thinkin that i'll see you when i go to your house or when i go see the baby, i still have this weird hope that i'll hear u comin up from downstairs sayin something to bug your mom or your sister or just plain corny. I miss you soo much. I still find my eyes full of tears thinking about you...which kinda suprises me cuz i figured i had cried it all out...guess i was wrong. There's soo much i want to tell you and share with you... talkin to you via prayer...its just not the same. what i would give just to spend another day with you, to hear your voice and see u laugh again...what we would all give.
It seems kinda weird but ever since you've left, it seems that im filled with worry and angst more than i used to be. Stupid problems keep rising up that i never really had to worry about before. Its like my good luck has expired as well. Maybe my family is my luck and losing a cruscial member made me lose my luck as well...i dunno. I've always noticed that we both were kinda like the relaxed laid-back types, the ones that could go with the flow and roll wit the punches...must be a sagitarius thing. But now without you here to tell me to relax and that just to live life, it feels like things are just unbalanced. As i think about goin down to snady's wedding, i can't help but think about how we were practically together everyday during Terrychachen's wedding. Those were the greatest times of my life. i had so much fun because we were together... u were my single older brother that knew me since i was 5 and had always been around for all my life and not being able to see you or talk to you...its like someone told me to stop breathing. I miss you soo much man. You know how much i hate talkin about my feelings and stuff but I figured if i came here and typed all this out, maybe it would help me and i could go to sleep, but the more i rabble the more the tears keep flowing and im running out of places to dry my tears. I dont know if i'll ever get over you. I just missed you alot lately. Take care of yourself up there while i go try this sleep thing again. g*nite.

posted by: Tinu |

NL EAST BABY! I know you're smiling now :) :)

posted by: Stephanie |

I found myself getting watery eyed when I saw the Mets clinch the NL East Division title last night. You must have some serious pull up there bro.

posted by: Joshua |

you always had more faith in me than i did in myself. i remember how you tried to motivate me and make me see myself the way you saw me. i was never able to understand where you found potential in me. it puzzled me then and i'm still baffled. i think you'd be proud of me now though. despite all my efforts to stunt my potential, God must have had other plans because i'm somehow becoming a "success." i know you'd laugh at how perplexed i am. i almost don't recognize the person in the mirror, nor can i fathom how i ended up in a state better than that i had ever hoped for myself. i surprised myself but somehow i don't think i surprised you. i hope you're proud of me and that i'm making the most of what you saw in me.

posted by: i hope you're proud|

It's good to have someone looking over us. Miss you buddy.

posted by: Viju |

What's up buddy. Haven't written here in a while. Tomorrow begins the baseball playoffs. The last time we spoke we talked about the upcoming season. You kept telling me that the Yankees should worry about the Red Sox. I told you that you should stick to worrying about your sorry-ass team. Well you must have did something up there for the Mets to do so well.
I really wish you were here to watch the games. I'll still remember the day the Yankee dynasty began, you were with me. Finally I saw the Yankees win, and you were happy to see me with such joy.
I'm still rooting for the Yanks to win it all. I'm sure you are rooting hard for the Mets. Lets hope both of our teams make it for another Subway Series.
On another note, Flavor of Love II is on. The show is as usual a train wreck, but its so enjoyable to watch. That crazy lady, New York is back.
Damn, just went to look at my fantasy football team. Looks like I lost in our league. Damn McNabb!!
Anyway, talk to you soon buddy.

Love ya man.

posted by: Pradeep |

I have never met Sunil but my son CHander knew him. I have always kept the family in my prayers. Why does God take the good and the young so soon? There may never be an answer since HE knows what his plans are. I am sure
that SUNIL is an angel looking down from HEAVEN on all of us and will someday greet us to our ultimate destination. As a parent, I pray that God will give you the strength you need to carry on.

posted by: Joyce Singh|

It's another joyous day today that we can't share with you. Everyone misses you so much, life isn't the same.

posted by: Joshua |

Hey Buddy...
I'm sorry, it's been way too long since I wrote. I don't know sometimes it's just too hard to type.
In the words of Ice Cube, today was a good day. I know you helped usher in to this world the first child for Pradeep and Beena. Jaya Maria Thomas was born at midnight. Everybody is doing OK. We are all excited and happy. But the pain is still there. I guess this is just another way for me to try and hurt just a little less...

With all of these girls being born, Jonathan is going to have plenty of little girlfriends...pretty amazing...I'm just glad that all the new little rugrats are happy and healthy.

I miss you brother. Everyday is just as hard as the previous. That whole time heals wounds is bull in my eyes. Everytime I go to the cemetery, I just find it so hard to believe that you are not around. All of us keeping doing stuff or hanging out and still I begin to hit my #4 speed dial to call you and then I remember. Going to church is still sooo hard. Some people wonder what is wrong with me...but you know how hard it is for me to look up into that balcony..and if some people don't get it that's their problem...not mine...

Everything overall though man is going well...I wish you were here to share them with me. But I know sooo many of these good things are happening because you keep talking to somebody up there for me. I just hope you continue to look out for all of the brothers. We all need sooo much help. Don't stop praying for us, because I'll never stop praying for you.

Love ya brother...

oh, btw, Mets are up 2-0, Yanks tied 1-1...very interesting...don't get all excited just yet...

posted by: Prasanth |

LETS GO METS!!!!!!!!

posted by: Stephanie |

Hey Sunil Achen, We all missed you at Sandy achen's Wedding. Your mom was crying so bad. The wedding was beautiful.And let me tell you that your nephew is the most adorable baby in the world! You would have made a great uncle. Your Dad and Mom are so sober, and could barely talk. And at the wedding recepion, the slide show was playing pics of you.The one guy we can't forget.Your mom just burst in to tears. I got so sad for her! She is so weak and pale.Tell the big guy to keep his eye on her, OK?

With love,
A Cousin

posted by: A Cousin|

Sunil-

Thanks for all the inspiration at work. I really appreciate all the great ideas you are giving me. Please continue to keep me tuned in.

I really miss you, heck everyone misses you. Stop by a visit please.

posted by: tommy |

I wanted them to win just so it seemed like you were hearing me.

posted by: Anonymous |

I am sad that they didn't win tonight, but I am extremely happy that they went as far as they did! GO METS!

posted by: Anonymous |

Bottom of the 9th, and I thought it was going to be one of those victorious beautiful moments! I've been rooting for your team since the day you left. I wish they had won...it would have seemed like a sign straight from you.

I'm still waiting on that dream...it seems like that is the only thing left.

posted by: Di |

i don't even watch baseball, but you better believe i was glued to the tv last night ... everyone wondered why i was so sad when they lost

posted by: Anonymous |

Dear Sunil,

well.. this is the first time im writing ive come to this page lots. but never wrote nething.iono wat to say...memories i have with u are not alot. but the love i have for u n how much i miss u. is alott. ur nephew is the cutest baby alive. =) .. i wish u were here tho. im having a heard time with my parents. n im really confused. i wish i had someone to talk to.. but yea. well theres one thing i KNO im not confused abt that i miss u & wish u were here. i look at ur picture. everyday. n i miss u alot. i dont kno wat else to say =\

thank you for anything n everything
i love u
& miss u
LOTS OF LOVE
FRM ME

posted by: Me |

Hey sunil,

It's almost Halloween. Man, how different things were a year ago at this time. Off to San Fran for what was going to be a trip that would change both of our lives. We had such a great time. It's real hard to read the thoughts of everyone on this site. It's real hard to see your smile and not break down. It's just real hard. Can you do me a favor and try to ease this pain on all of us, just a little. Thanks buddy. Miss you a lot.

posted by: Joshua |

Happy Halloweenie Sunila! I am sitting here thinking about last year, and all the fun we had! Man...it was amazing. So much has changed in the past year Sunil. I find myself a much stronger person, stronger than I ever thought I could be. If I can live through you leaving, I think I can live through anything. Lately I find myself saying your name in almost every conversation I have. Telling people about you, saying stuff like "Oh Sunil was like that". Maybe it's because last year, you were here. I would give anything to just see or talk to you one more time. The things I would say to you...the things you have missed out on. I wonder what you have been through, and all the things you would say to me. "Did you know they make Tom & Jerry Bowls up here?" hehe. Just thinking about you brings a smile to my face...I can't wait until the day I see you again. You are always on my mind and in my heart.

posted by: Di |

Hey Sun,

Well, you missed the baby's first Halloween. He was so cute. He was a big, silver Hershey Kiss. I was going to bring him by to see you but I didn't have the strength. I guess this is just the first of many "firsts" that you will miss. I am not looking forward to the Holidays. We are all celebrating things for the sake of the baby but it is so hard to just not break down and scream from the pain in our hearts. I don't know how we will get through the next few months...

I miss you Sun, I wish you were here.

posted by: Chechi |

What's up brother...
I find it more than coincidental that I make this post on the day in many Christian religions (not Orthodox) called All Saints Day. Very significant for me since besides the Saints the church has told me to believe in...you are the one of the few that always acted "Saintly" in all of your deeds toward me.

Ok, I know this might sound a little too much or whatever, but you were my best friend down here. One of the few people that I could trust with anything. Just the mere fact that you stuck by me no matter what, deems you a better person than most.

I didn't do much yesterday for Halloween. I did get to talk on the phone with somebody else who was ever soo close to you. That was the highlight of my day. After that conversation, I found myself in that never ending doldrums. I watched the few videos of you. Especially the memorable cheesecake incident. I can't tell you how much that video means to me. To hear your voice, me making fun of you...you chuckling with that donkey like laugh that only you had. Just the love that all of us shared. I'm glad to say that we all still love each other the same but it's just not the same.

I kept waking up last night and just thinking about you. I think about the journeys and rollercoasters we took together; mentally and physically. I am sooo glad that my Pathfinder broke down that Columbus day and we had to drive to St. Louis instead of fly. At the time, I was sooo upset that we missed our flight. But now, where would I be if I didn't have those distinct memories of driving half way across country w/ our other 2 brothers. I'll never forget the capital of Texas, the jugs of mouth wash, the fidgety hands, the opening of the windows, the salutations to fellow paisans, and the introduction to Starbucks Doubleshot Espressos.

I wonder how you are doing up there. Are you serving on some type of committee of up there yet? Who are you annoying now?? Do you still get lost when you are going places?? How is your Fantasy Football team doing??
I am trying to get by without you. I'm lucky to have the people around me that try and fill the void you left. They are doing their level best but it's just not the same. No fault of theirs, but that's what made you special right? I would give anything to get one more text message from you that would just make the declaration "Where are we hangin tonight?"

posted by: Prasanth |

Hey Sunil Chettai, thank you VERY much for being with me as i went through my first quarter in my sophmore year. as you can see, AHA is really hard especially with everything else going around. Even though you are not physically with us, we know that you are SPIRITUALLY with us as we go forth everyday of our lives.
Whenever i pray to you, i picture you with a big grin like the way i see you in church. then i feel like you are right next to me and right next to God asking him if we could all have a great day..
Thanks again for guiding me as well as all of us as we go forth every morning hoping that we will have a good day, and we always do becuase you are ALWAYS there. Ill talk to you tonight, sunil chettai and thanks for everything once again ♥

posted by: a person who wished they were able to know a person just like you|

posted by: Sibil |

Sunil, you're gonna love what I just found.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osXgzAlQIoQ&eurl=

posted by: Anonymous |

Hi my friend. Been a while since I have posted here - except in my Mets hangover...but now that that's over...
First of all, I wonder if you know just how amazing your friends are - your brothers I should say. I know you know what I mean, but if I could tell you how they've tried to step in your shoes...you left such an amazing legacy that these boys are working overtime to cover the ground you did...now don't get me wrong, they don't mind - they do it with ease - but you can see in their eyes that they see the impact you had and they are trying their best to make sure no one who had your support goes without it, from one of them...its really beautiful.

A few weeks back, I had a special secret, the kind I used to tell you - one of those that I was so excited about but didn't want to talk about too much - but would call you because I knew the genuine emotional response I would get on the other side. You know what I mean - one of those things you have to call and gush to your best friend about...we shared a million moments like that...well I went to your brothers instead. Sunil, it was if you were here....for a moment, in the second I received a Sunil Hug. You know what I mean, I'm sure...maybe you were sitting there with us...your brothers did quite well at being the 'you' I needed right then...

Anyway - heading into finals soon, then Dec 29 I will be off to Australia for 4 months....Babe, I'm really doing it. I think of you so much now. I'm going to dive - a training dive, yes, but I will dive the great barrier reef as I promised you. Every moment of thinking about Australia, I remember our last phone conversation - how we were going to dive together...I think of you even more now because you helped me make my decision to go to law school...I still have the email you sent me when I was beginning - telling me how proud you were...

I'll think of you a lot now because I remember talking to you last Dec. 12, 13, 14, or whichever of the 12 parties you had for your birthday last year - I remember standing outside the library and telling you that if someone could take my civil procedure final for me, I'd be at one of the parties...you understood. You always did. But I'll never forgive myself for not leaving the library for 2 hours. Its too late now.

I thought of you on Election Day. You'd be so proud, I traveled back home and ran back to school for class the next day - just so that I could vote. No other reason I took a 2 hour bus trip. I thought of you as my boyfriend I sat in the apt and watched the elections results come in as if it were a Mets game - and as I stared at his excitement and marveled at his brain and political smarts, I thought of how much you would have liked him. God you guys would have gotten along.

Anyway, paper writing time. Any inspiration? I miss you soooo much. Soooo much. So much I want to share with you right now. I hope you are watching, I hope you are happy that the dreams we discussed back then are starting to come true for me....love you always...

posted by: Stephanie |

What's up brother...

I'm heading over to a wine tasting that I know you would have loved. It is the same annual one that I went to last year. I remember telling you all about it and saying how we were going to go next year. Well, next year is here and I am going and you of course are not.

A few of us were talking yesterday about that wine tasting event last year. I remember like it was yesterday. Shinu and Nisse just announced that Nisse was pregnant and everybody was going out to celebrate. I remember walking in a little tipsy after the wine tasting to all of my brothers huddled around the table talking about the magical child that was going to enter the Varghese family. I was sooo excited for all of you. And now after being around Jonathan a few days a week, I know why we were all excited.

For some reason, I remember almost every memory from that evening. Mercury Bar...Nice Guy Eddies...The Search for a Black Lexus...Three phone messages from you asking where I was...The biggest car service driver in the history of car service...Getting lost in our own town that we both grew up in...waking up in the car and asking you where we were...Your magical response of..."Why do you keep asking me that question...I DON"T KNOW EITHER!!!"...

I wish you were going with me. There was sooo much we wanted to learn about wine. How to master the pronunciation of some wines...."montepulciano d abruzzo"

Every day it seems to be something else I think about and remember. It just doesn't get easy, and I don't think it ever will...

posted by: Prasanth |

hey sunilachachin i love u man i just wanted to say that and let you know that i'll never forget you i even put a picture of you on my school binder ya so i got to go man i love you

posted by: C-MAC (Chris your cousin) |

Well sunil, it's just about "that time of year" again, and i can't help but keep thinking that you won't be here this year. I can't help but think about your family and friends who shared every thanksgiving, every Christmas, every new year's with you and what they must be going through right now realizing that they won't have you with them this year. I wonder how much you ate last thanksgiving, what you got for Christmas, what you gave for christmas, what you talked about with your buddies, how much you laughed and how much you made others laugh. Life is just not fair. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. It's my favorite holiday. I love walking down the street to see complete strangers wishing Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays to each other and the sheer excitement and happiness in their eyes merely by saying those two words. Yet when such a tragedy has hit us all, when i realize that people who i hold so near and dear to my heart will be experiencing so much pain, i just don't want Christmas to come. I just can't bear to see it. But I know you'll be here to help celebrate, you have to; it's jonathan's first everything!
You know...well i know u know that ive been counting the months to your birthday since september. What for, i don't know, but it must be because that's the day your mother gave birth to you, the day you came into this world, the day all parents wish will come every year for their children for many many more years, and from now on it must be one of, if not the most unbearable day, especially for moni anti and baby uncle. Sometimes, we all forget that this life is not ours to keep. Nothing we make with our money, with our skills is ours. It's God's gift to us. This life is His giving and He can take it back at any which moment He pleases. Most of the time He likes to test the Best of the best, just to see how much they really love Him, how much faith they have in Him. It's just His way of doing things, and it's been that way since the time of good old father Abraham.
Sunil, I wish that you will make your presence known to your family and friends this Holiday season. Let them know you are really there with them. Give mom and dad a hug, give jonathan a kiss or two, eat some turkey, have some pie :)
Happy Thanksgiving, Sunil! Our thoughts are always with you and those you love.

posted by: Jisha |

sunil!! I saw Nisse on the news last night on channel 7!! They showed her for maybe 3 seconds or so. She was driving and pulled up to this officer and said "We need to get to Harriman." hahaha. I said to myself, "o my God, that's my Nisse!" I was so proud of her. I wonder if she realized she might be on the news. Don't worry Nis, you looked beautiful as usual. I'm so excited about it for some reason. You know, she was not on just any news, she was on THE eyewitness news- abc- the big shots.
Anyway, i just thought i'd share that with you sun. Talk to you later.

posted by: Jisha |

Happy Thanksgiving buddy.. I miss ya..

posted by: Viju |

Happy Thanksgiving Sunil -- we miss you. I give thanks for having you in our lives. Although short, it was meaningful. I miss you.

posted by: Anonymous |

Happy Thanksgiving, Sunil. Though I didn't know you, you've touched my life, and for that, I'm grateful.

posted by: Anonymous |

Happy Turkey Day Sunila....miss you much!

posted by: Di |

Happy Thanksgiving buddy. I found myself just staring off into space yesterday wondering where you were and what you were doing. This time of the year is especially hard to cope with losing you. I pray your family and friends will be strong. Miss you sunil

posted by: Joshua |

Although I knew Nissie Chechi better than I knew you, when I heard you were gone it was a major shock.I hope you doin good up there. I never relized that you made such an impact in so many peoples lives. You've helped me too. Maybe some day I'll tell you how.Thanks for everything

posted by: A Relative|

Hey Sunilchachen!
Do you know what today is? You better know- That's right it's my sweet 16. A sweet 16 without you. My first birthday without you happens to be the first special one. I have to say that I feel pretty gypped. I mean, you were with Tinuchachen until his 21st birthday and you couldn't even be with me for my 16th. So really, how much time did I get with you? For the first year or so I was in India. Then then next four or five years, I can't really rememebr much of. So what am I left with? About 10 years or so? I was so gypped! I'll admit it, I'm jealous! Who's gonna help me learn to drive? You told me you would when we were going to Blockbuster sometime long ago. Who's gonna be at my house way past midnight helping pack the night before going to college? You were there for Tinuchachen. Although I have to say that I'm lucky to have pictures of almost all my birthdays with you, except for the last one, but that's because it wasn't the usual Thanksgiving. It's amazing how I never thought of getting a picture with you even at terrychachen's wedding. I was so preoccuppied with getting pictures of all the texans that it never even occurred to me to get a picture of us. I guess that's because I took you for granted and never thought I would need a picture to see your face. I thought you would always be with me, whenever I needed you. Sure, I know you're here, but it's definately not the same. There's so much I could talk to you about with all these interesting classes I have. After all, you were the only one who really listened to me when I talked. Everyone else (ahem Nischechi ahhem Shinuchachen) smile and nod and have no clue what I'm talking about. I remember once I was talking to you and I was so taken back when you asked me a question that it took me a while to answer because I was so used to babbling without interruption since I knew they weren't really listening. Even though I can't say I blame them- my stories tend to be long and I'm easily distarcted and get sidetracked. But, I do want you to know that before I do anything now, I always make sure it's something that you could be proud of me for. I hope I haven't disappointed you so far.

posted by: Teena |

I wish I knew you better...that hurts

posted by: Anonymous |

Two steps forward, and one step back...always. A constant struggle of moving forward, and collapsing backwards...this has been all of our lives without you, Sunil. I miss you...I miss your smile, your words of encouragement, your loud laugh, your great advice, your love of life...You! Every time I think I'm better, something reminds me of all I have missed out on by your being gone. Your presence is missed...always. There will never be a day that I live on this Earth, that I will not miss you. You will always be a part of me, a part of who I am, a person who has shaped the person I am today. It takes a concentrated effort to stay happy, and not become bitter with what has happened in the past year. I love you Sunil Varghese...near or far, I am by your side always.

posted by: Di |

i was trying to tell a friend about you the other day. i couldn't sufficiently describe you in words so that she'd realize how unfortunate she is to not have had the pleasure of knowing you even superficially.

sometimes you take my breath away when i remember the little things and realize the lasting impact you've made on everyone who's come into contact with you. i don't know how you did it, but you've lived a fuller than i could even strive to live in a 100 years.

posted by: Anonymous |

hey...so... it was my birthday. can u beleive im 22 now?...yea where did the time go? this time last year i was jumpin up and down cause you said u would come to my apt to celebrate my 21st birthday with me...you don't know how happy i was when u said that. I didn't need anyone else as long as my family was gonna be there with me taking my first drink...haha..I remeber that nite soo well..(well...most of it)...this year, i just dont care... i dont feel like there's anything worth celebrating anymore...how can i have a birthday better than the last one? you and shinuchachen were the ones that made it as great as it was...no one else... and now your not here to send me an email sayin im an old man... or to call me to wish me a happy birthday...its just empty without u here with us...

posted by: Tinu |

Thanks for the unexpected visit, sunil! It was a short one this time,but it made me happy nonetheless. I was not expecting you at all, i was so confused. I kept asking, "sunil, is that really you, is that really you", as u sort of just grabbed me from among the crowd at church with a "Hey you!" and gave me a hug. I remember not being able to hug you back for a while. You were there in the flesh, just like everyone else. I can still see you; the white shirt you wore, your tie, the grayish-black sweater you wore over that. It's crytal clear in my head. And i remember your reply still echoing in my ears, "Ofcourse it's me. Why are you having such a hard time believing that? It's me!" You were laughing at me, at my foolishness for not believing it was actually you. Ofcourse, once i realized, i started screaming and announcing to everyone that it's you. "Sunil's here, sunil's here". But to my amazement, noone reacted. Was i the only one that could see you? I don't know.
You looked a bit pale, but your golden smile was as bright as ever. You looked and sounded so happy. I woke up abruptly after the dream, kind of like those old episodes of bewitched where she snaps her fingers and "poof" it's gone. I realized i wasn't even asleep for an hour, and i could not go back to sleep for the longest time. If i could only videotape my dreams where you visit and show them to everyone. It would be such a relief. It was so nice to see you, so refreshing to see your smile-your masterpiece. Please keep praying for all of us; I need it, my family needs it,looks like our church needs it more and more each week.
Im just so happy you came to visit. Youve made my week!

posted by: Jisha |

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Last year, you were so excited about your upcoming birthday parties...Still, White Rabbit! Last year, you were over-the-moon! Last year, I couldn't help myself but get swept away in your happiness. Last year....

Funny how things can change in a year. Funny how it's not even funny.

Missing you Sunil...missing you a lot.

posted by: Anonymous |

dear sunil achachen,

I just got my report card yesterday and i a, sorry and embarrassed to say that my grades are not how they used to be. I guess it was you that kept my grades up. I remember how you would call my family and talk to me about how my grades were and how important grades are. I am finally beginning to realize what you meant and how so very true that it is.You would call me in the middle of nowhenre and talk to me, and always make me laugh. I can never forget you. I need you back now more than anything. You know. i really need to see you in a dream. I could use one of those world famous lectures this time around. I really miss, we all do. who wouldnt. You were the greatest cousin that anyone could ask for. I am thankful i had fro as long as i did, but i am regretful of the fact that i had to lose you. I miss you so much. I think about you everyday, and i replay my day in my head when i go to sleep. I think about how my day would gone if i never knew you and i did not have your wonderful influence in my life. Im telling you,thinkin of my day today, it would have been horrible wothout you. I miss you man,i wish thtat i can see your smile again. That is all i need for christmas. i dont want anything else, if i had 1 wish, it would to bring you back. Thank you once again for all youve done. I love you, i will always keep praying for you and try to watch over me and warn me about anything that might go wtong. I could really use a visit right now.

-Your cuz-

posted by: Jickymon aka, BABY!!!!!!|

well it's not December 14th yet, but almost... 10:10 pm here in Hong Kong on December 13th... almost time to say Happy Birthday! I've been thinking about you and your birthday all week.
I miss you Funnel! and especially around this time of year when we both celebrated the holidays and our birthdays with a little "Fannie Funnel pawty pawty pawty!" Now I'm a girl that hates jack, but i will try to have a jack & diet in your honor tomorrow nite! (if i can stomach it). Love you and Miss you!

posted by: annie min|

Well, today the sadness in my heart is starting to get overwelhming. i don't even want to think about tomorrow. I pray hard for babyuncle, moniaunty, nis, shinu and jonathan.
Waking up today was hard enough on me, i am begging God to ease their pain. so much has changed since that horrible day and much has gone back to the same old ways. all the great things that have happened in these past months hold a black cloud above it. wondering what sunil is doing while we sit or stand around celebrating a new birth, baptism or engagement.
where is sunil? I wonder what kind of birthday party he's throwing himself in Heaven? I wish we could go.

What have we done with out lives since sunil went home?
Have we done things sunil would have done?
Have we kept our promises not to waste time?
Have we learned to love and live life the way sunil did?

ask yourself these questions and respond with anymore questions we should be asking ourselves. we have three more months til we remember the day all our lives changed for ever.
Lets all turn that terrible and uncontrollable change into something positive. Lets all make sunil proud.
I miss you so much Sunil, pray for your family and the rest of us missing you so much......mano

posted by: Mano |

this time of year again...immersed in finals...forgeting everything that is going on around me...then it hits me like a ton of bricks....

I'm sitting in the library crying...I have a friend sitting next to me, ironically, when I happenened on this page...

We are trying to get together...trying to 'celebrate' but we all know that we are getting together out of support more than celebration...it just isn't the same...

Sunil, I'm getting married...and you won't be there...I had been putting off posting that on here...almost as if I didn't want to say it out loud - because as happy as it is...is as sad as it is...babe! how can this be! how can you NOT be there on that day! I hope you are watching how happy I am...I hope you had a hand in making me realize what I had in front of me all along...

Miss you soooo much....hope you are watching, and proud...pay me a visit sometime soon babe...it'd be nice to see you face again...

posted by: Anonymous | I still can't believe it. I look at these pictures and I CAN'T believe it. Of all the people - I think that's how everyone feels. It's hard to imagine a life without _____. This is still really hard and truly BIZARRE. Please take care of everyone. I don't understand this. I can't get my head around it, even now - probably NEVER

posted by: Stephanie |

Hey Sun,

In about 45 minutes, there would normally be a fight between Mommy and I as to who would call you first. She was the one that started the midnight birthday call. Lately, she got smart and would call you around 11:55 or 11:58 and keep you on the phone until midnight so she would automatically win.

I don't know what we will do 45 minutes from now. All I know is that these past few weeks have hit us as if it was March and Shin was breaking the news to us all over again. I haven't seen Mommy cry this much and this hard in a while. And my commute to work just leaves me with more time to sob and just enough time to apply makeup to cover up my sadness.

Every year I buy you a "going out shirt" for your birthday. And every year, you wear it to your party. I am going to miss hearing you say "this is the best shirt ever Chechi!"

So, I am going to take a cue from Mommy and wish you a happy birthday early with all my love. I will bring the baby to visit you in a few hours.

I hope you visit soon.

Miss you!

posted by: Chechi |

Happy Birthday Sweetheart! I know tonight is hard for everyone...knowing you are not here to celebrate your birthday. I am sure the angels up there are throwing you a huge party full of karaoke mikes, jack & diets, lots of laughter & fun! I send my love up there...we all do. I am sure you can feel it tonight...as I am sure you have felt it all along. As we all endure this trying night without you...I want you to know that in our tears, we also smile with you. As I cry, I am also filled with a warm happiness that on this day, you were born into this world. If you had not been born, this world would have been a much colder place. Just as you did here on Earth...keep on illuminating others up there with your joy, your love....your beautiful soul. I can't help but feel jealous of those who have the privilege of being in your presence tonight. Someday, we will all be reunited Sunil...and there will be many more birthday celebrations that will have no end.

With all my heart, as always.

posted by: Di |

Happy Birthday babe! Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear sunil.....Happy Birthday to you!

*sigh*
I just remembered how the 1 year in our 10 year friendship you forgot my birthday I got roses! :) And dinner!
No one will ever take your place....

posted by: Stephanie |

With all my heart, as always.

posted by: Di |

Happy Birthday babe! Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear sunil.....Happy Birthday to you!

*sigh*
I just remembered how the 1 year in our 10 year friendship you forgot my birthday I got roses! :) And dinner!
No one will ever take your place....

posted by: Stephanie |