Hey Sun,

In about 45 minutes, there would normally be a fight between Mommy and I as to who would call you first. She was the one that started the midnight birthday call. Lately, she got smart and would call you around 11:55 or 11:58 and keep you on the phone until midnight so she would automatically win.

I don't know what we will do 45 minutes from now. All I know is that these past few weeks have hit us as if it was March and Shin was breaking the news to us all over again. I haven't seen Mommy cry this much and this hard in a while. And my commute to work just leaves me with more time to sob and just enough time to apply makeup to cover up my sadness.

Every year I buy you a "going out shirt" for your birthday. And every year, you wear it to your party. I am going to miss hearing you say "this is the best shirt ever Chechi!"

So, I am going to take a cue from Mommy and wish you a happy birthday early with all my love. I will bring the baby to visit you in a few hours.

I hope you visit soon.

Miss you!

Happy Birthday Sweetheart! I know tonight is hard for everyone...knowing you are not here to celebrate your birthday. I am sure the angels up there are throwing you a huge party full of karaoke mikes, jack & diets, lots of laughter & fun! I send my love up there...we all do. I am sure you can feel it tonight...as I am sure you have felt it all along. As we all endure this trying night without you...I want you to know that in our tears, we also smile with you. As I cry, I am also filled with a warm happiness that on this day, you were born into this world. If you had not been born, this world would have been a much colder place. Just as you did here on Earth...keep on illuminating others up there with your joy, your love....your beautiful soul. I can't help but feel jealous of those who have the privilege of being in your presence tonight. Someday, we will all be reunited Sunil...and there will be many more birthday celebrations that will have no end.

With all my heart, as always.

Happy Birthday babe! Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear sunil.....Happy Birthday to you!

*sigh*
I just remembered how the 1 year in our 10 year friendship you forgot my birthday I got roses! :) And dinner!
No one will ever take your place....

Happy Birthday Sunil. We miss you soo much.

Happy Birthday Suni(chachan),
I wish I could call you right now and you answer rather than me typing it you and I get nothing back. I miss your smile. I miss your infamous laugh. I miss you soo much. Sometimes I try not to think about you because my eyes just fills with tears. When will this sadness ever go away? Or will it? I love ou so much and that will never ever change. I hope you have the best birthday this year, but I truly wish you were celebrating it with us down here. Happy Birthday Sunilchachan..I miss you and I love you.

Happy b-day brother..

Happy Birthday Sunil

Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!

Happy Birthday!

I wish you were here this year to give me a hard time again for showing up late to your birthday party. I would trade anything in the world for that. I hope you somehow read all these messages. It's hard to work today with my eyes constantly filling up with tears and that perpetual lump in the back of my throat. I got a Friendster message today reminding me today was your birthday and I nearly broke down. Like Nisse said, it was like learning the news all over again. I heard LaBamba this past weekend in a restaurant and I smiled through it because I couldn't help but picture you singing it. I miss you so much and I just want to hear your voice and that laughter one more time. Happy Birthday Sunil.

Happy Birthday Sunil.... With Love...

Sunil, this page just brings me to tears. I don't know what else to say but Happy Birthday. I know youre having a big party up there, and i know your presence is here with us at the same time. Sunil, im praying really hard for moni anti, baby uncle, nisse, shinu,the baby, and for all your friends. I cannot even bear to imagine the sadness,the pain... the excrutiating pain that your family must be going through right now. Nisse couldn't have said it better when she said, 'it's just like March again.
I don't know what to say sunil. It just isn't fair.
We love you.

Happy birthday, Sunil. It kills me to read some of these postings and the lump in my throat is horrible right now. The only positive thing I can take is that you have truly given me inspiration and have made dealing with everyday issues a bit easier. Even though we may not be able to physically see that infectious smile all the time, it's still helping us all get by. I miss you -- enjoy your special day.

Happy birthday, Sunil. We miss you.

Hey buddy,

Happy Birthday. We all miss you.

Happy Birthday Sunil, you are never out of our thoughts.

Miss you.

Your Friend.

Here we are...almost the end of the first December 14th of my life without you. This day was always important to sooo many of us...No matter how much we shared together...you always shared this day with of all people my Dad because you guys shared the same birthday. I woke up this morning and gave my dad the annual Happy Birthday wish and gift. The pain on his face was unbearable. Not only did I lose my best friend, my other brother..but my Dad had lost his other son...his birthday buddy...The pain today really was like that day in March...

A birthday. Why was it soooo important to you? I would just let them go by without much fanfare...but you never let one go by without letting everybody know it was your special day...I still remember you telling me before your 21st birthday party that it was my job to have the most fun...why I don't know, but it was your Statement to me for the night...well, i think I did you proud that night...that was the best Cozy Burger I never ate in my life...

A bunch of us are getting together tomorrow night to celebrate your life. Celebrate your birthday the way you always did. I remember how much you loved celebrating birthdays. It was your best excuse to your mom for us to go hang out in the city. Danny Sheth had a birthday party at least 3 times a year...

I miss you sooo much Buddy. Thanks for getting me something today that I needed. I didn't mean to yell at you this morning...I was just anxious. There are sooo many other things I need to work out in my life, and I'm hoping that you are still going to bat for me w/ the people upstairs. Keep us all in your prayers, and I'll do the same for you.

Love ya Buddy...(in a manly way)
Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday old man!...haha..

Happy Birthday Sunil. You always brought everyone together this day for a night of fun in your honor. The fun is gone from this night but the honor of being your friend will live on for ever. Salute my friend!!!

"You know our love will Not Fade Away"

Happy belated birthday bro! This is the first time I'm writing you, although Jomy and I have visited your page several times and called out to the Lord for your family and friends. I've cried every time I started reading your page because I too, have wonderful memories of your goofiness, wit, loyalty, and charm. Sunil, you will not be forgotten.

And I pray 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

In the grip of His grace!

Pictures of the Jonathan visiting his uncle on his birthday are on the photos page.

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I can be forgiven....I wish you would

And its been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..I guess I should.
--A. Duritz

heard this on the radio on my way home last night... and memories of you left me feeling hopeful...Thank you

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I can be forgiven....I wish you would

And its been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..I guess I should.
--A. Duritz

Heard this song on my way home last night...memories of you left me feeling hopeful
Thanks bro

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I can be forgiven....I wish you would

And its been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..I guess I should.
--A. Duritz

Heard this song on my way home last night...memories of you left me feeling hopeful
Thanks bro

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I can be forgiven....I wish you would

And its been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..I guess I should.
--A. Duritz

Heard this song on my way home last night...memories of you left me feeling hopeful
Thanks bro

Was driving out of work, and the first song that popped on the radio was "Oh I think they like me"! I started laughing & smiling uncontrollably from thinking about you with those suds on your head! I needed that...smiles have been so far & few in between lately. "Come on babe...play something "good"!"

"Oh I think they like me when they heard me on the other one.
So its only right that I hit you with another one."

Just added some family/baby pix of Sunil to his photos page.

Why is it that lately - all I can seem to do is think of only you? In the mornings, I may have only one precious minute of peace (if at all) before my mind races to where you are. And at night before I go to sleep, all I hear is your voice in my head and see your face as I close my eyes. It seems I have lost all motivation to do anything...even calling people back seems like it takes a monumental effort. I am tired, Sunil Varghese. Every day, I feel like my head is fuzzy and my eyes burn from exhaustion. I am tired of missing you Sunil...I am tired of always wishing you were here, every moment. I am tired of always thinking "This would be so much better if Sunil was here". I find myself angry that I even have to THINK it! It's just all so damn unfair. And it seems I run "that day" in my head every day...on my drive to work, on my drive home, as I lie in bed. Everything...everything runs through my head. Last years' holiday events...the hell of this year...everything. I am so tired...I'm just so tired of it all. I'm tired of fantasizing about "magical reunions", and impossible occurrences that will never happen. I'm tired of feeling like I want to scream all the time, and I'm REALLY tired of my heart hurting this much! I'm just tired. When is this nightmare ever going to end?

Hey...

It took me a minute to visit, with your birthday and all... I am still kicking myself for missing it last year. You may be the only person who loves your birthday as much as I do mine.

BUT: Happy birthday, and Merry Christmas.

I think about you often, but I am sure that you know that.

On your birthday, actually, I couldn't get this darn song outta my sobbing but adoring head:
"Ground control to Major Tom Ground control to Major Tom:
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing countdown engine's on
Check ig-nition and may God's love be with you

This is ground control to Major Tom, you've really made the grade!
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear,
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is Major Tom to ground con-trol, I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way
And the stars look very difeerent today

For here am I sitting in a tin can, far above the world
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do

BRIDGE

Though I'm passed one hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go,
tell my wife I love her very much she knows

Ground control to Major Tom:
Your circuit's dead, there's something wong.
Can you hear me Major Tom?
Can you hear me Major Tom?
Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you ...

Here am I floating round my tin can, far above the moon
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do..."

Merry Christmas brother.. I hope you have a good one up there. The holidays don't seem the same down here. We do miss you. Watch over all the kids down here and make sure they have a good Christmas too.

Sunil,

This coming week without you is especially hard. Christmas, new year's...two times we all would expect to see an extra special Sunil smile ... that smile that could light up any room. You would always comment on my kids and how cute they were in their Christmas attire at church.

We all miss you..it's hard to write down how much . Each of us have our special memories of you...and the only one thing we can all hold on to is the fact that we have a very special angel that will be watching over us this holiday season!

Thanks Sunil..for touching all of us in such a special way.

Merry Christmas Buddy...
I just got done watching It's a Wonderful Life and I know how much you used to make fun of me because the end of that movie always made me a little weepy...I cried again tonight, but it was really different. George Bailey got a chance to experience life without himself. I am learning what life w/o Sunil Varghese is...and it's not nearly as fun.

I miss you man. The holidays certainly are not fun this year. In fact they are waaay more painful than i thought they were going to be. I thought I would just avoid them but then I realized I needed to be around people during these times.

Hope you are celebrating our Lord's Birthday, because I know how much you love throwing a birthday party.

Love ya buddy...

Merry Christmas sweet pea! I love you.

Sunil,

Merry Christmas buddy. Miss you dearly and really need your help. Please give me strength

i was listening to songs and i heard this song. n i thought abt u =/

Its been too long, and I'm lost without you
what am I gonna do, said I been needing you, wantin' you
wonderin if your the same, and who's been with you
isn't your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes(I miss you)

(verse 1)
Off to college, yes you went away
straight from highschool, you up and left me.
We were close friends, also lovers.
Did everything, for one another.
Now your gone and I'm lost without you here now.
But I know I gotta live and make it some how.

(bridge)
Come back to me
can you feel me
hear me, callin
for you(cause its)

It's been to long, and I'm lost without you,
What am I gonna do, said I been needing you,wantin' you (wanting you)
wonderin if your the same, and who's been with you
isn't your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes(I miss you)

i miss you =/

it's been so long since we talked...before you left your family and friends, i had let too much time go by because i took for granted that our time would be unlimited. i'm sorry for that.

i was looking at some pictures of you today. there was one of you cheesing away (as usual) and i was struck by this: i miss you. i know it probably seems weird to you because how did i not realize it before? over the past 9 months, i focused on how awful it was for everyone else to have lost you...i know i knew a side of you that no one else knew, but it didn't seem like i had the right to miss you like everyone else. but looking at this picture reminds me that i can feel bereft just like anyone else.

so...

i miss you.

Sunil, tonight marks the end of 2006 - officially! This means the world to me...because 2006, by far, has been the worst year of my life. Everyone keeps saying that good things are coming in 2007...and I truly believe it! I believe everyone who went through losing you deserves a wonderful NEW year full of laughter, love, peace, happiness and countless smiles! My wish for everyone is to find their rainbow after the storm...I hope we will all find some brightness in 2007 after all of the darkness in 2006.

Sunil, I love you and miss you with all of my heart! I hope you have a wonderful & happy new year up there...I'll be toasting to you at midnight! Chin Chin sweetheart!

Happy new year buddy..

Wow. I've never met you. But I wish I had. Just from the people that Love you I can tell, that you are a great person.

Happy New Year Sunil. Just landed in San Fran a few hours ago. Still finding it very hard that a year ago we were ringing in 2006 together over here, happy as clams, and now things are so different. I can't stop thinking about that day. I finally went to Del Frisco a few weeks back. I couldn't bring myself to go in and talk to anyone yet but I sat outside the restaurant and just watched the people go in and out. Maybe next time I will go in. I hope and pray you are at peace Sunil, please try and bring some peace on to your family and friends here. We all need it. take care buddy. I miss you dearly.

love,josh

Sunil, I finally just listened to "Turn the Radio Up" by Eric Carmen for the first time without crying. We used to love that song when we were younger. I hope you hear it wherever you are. Miss you, love you...

i am so mad! i have been so angry for the last few weeks. i thought i got past this stage already but it is back. i usually cry every day or so and i haven't since before new years. i feel guilty all the time for not crying more or for being so pissed off. i don't want this to make you upset up there or keep you from being at peace. i just want you back here with me. everything is ruined without you. nothing is the same anymore. every happy moment is tainted. every joyous event is sad. i can’t believe this happened. i want this undone. i want to see you now. i hate having to keep saying, “If Sunil was here, he would….”. i am tired of it. and i hate hearing that it takes time. BULLSHIT! time just makes us miss you more. time just reminds us of more things you are missing. i am tired of time. i just want you home.

Hey buddy.. 24 started tonight and as usual, it was great. I hope you are enjoying it. Miss ya..

Buddy, 24 started this week. What an amazing start. I loved getting on email and recapping the episodes. It would be great to see your reply in my email inbox.

Take care. I miss you buddy.

i miss you sunil. please watch over us. we love you.

New pictures of JSV on his picture page.

Valuable Lessons From My Sons
Tony Dungy, Coach of the Indianapolis Colts

(Speech given at the Athletes in Action NFL Super Bowl breakfast)

I'm going to illustrate three things that I've learned about the
Lord, and I'm going to use my boys to illustrate that. I'm going to
start with my middle son, Eric. He's 14 years old, and if you watch a
lot of football, you've probably seen him on the sidelines of Colts
games. He looks more like me than my other two boys do. As a matter
of fact, he looks so much like me, when I look at him I see myself at
14, and I see a lot of the same things. Eric is very, very
competitive -- ultra competitive. He is focused on sports to where
it's almost a problem. He's super-emotional to where it's almost scary.

Now, those of you that see me now would say, "Wait a minute, that
doesn't sound a lot like you," but it was me at 14. I grew up not too
far from here in Jackson, Michigan, and there are some people in this
room that knew me when I was 14 years old. So when I look at Eric now
at 14, and I look at myself, that's one of the things I know about
God. I know how powerful His Spirit is; I know that He can change
people; and I know that He'll do that if we allow Him to, and I
really believe He's going to do that with Eric as he grows.

The second way I've seen God's hands at work is through our youngest
son, Jordan. He's five years old. Jordan was born with a rare, very,
very rare neurological condition. It's called congenital
insensitivity to pain. There's only two or three cases in the whole
United States. It's a little more prevalent in other countries, but
there's only been about three diagnosed in the United States, and
basically what happens, he is missing the conductors that allow the
nerve signals to go from his body to his brain. And that sounds like
it's good at the beginning, but, I promise you, it's not.

We've learned a lot about pain in the last five years since we've had
Jordan, and we've learned that some hurts are really necessary for
kids. Pain is necessary, really, for kids to find out the difference
between what's good and what's harmful. Jordan loves cookies, but in
his mind, if they're good out on the plate, they're even better in
the oven, and so he will go right in the oven, if my wife's not
looking, when she's baking them, reach in, take the rack out, take
the pan out, burn his hands, okay, eat the cookie that's too hot,
burn his tongue and never feel it. And he doesn't know that that's
bad for him.

When we got to the park, he'll go on the slide, and all kids know
it's fun to go up the slide and slide down, and he has fun doing
that, too. To him, it's just as much fun jumping off from the top. He
has no fear of anything, so we constantly have to watch him.

We've also learned that pain actually helps the body heal --
something I didn't know until talking with the doctors, that you get
an injury, your brain senses there is pain there, and it sends the
right healing agents naturally to that spot because it sense
something is wrong. Without that sensation of feeling something is
wrong, Jordan's body doesn't send those healing agents and,
consequently, he's got cuts from June and July that haven't healed yet.

So that's what we've seen and, really, why does the Lord allow pain
in your life? Why do bad things happen to good people? If God is a
God of love, why does He allow these hurtful things to happen?

Well, we've learned that, a lot of times, because of that pain, that
little temporary pain, you learn what's harmful; you learn to fear
the right things. Pain sometimes lets us know we've got a condition
that needs to be healed, and pain inside sometimes lets us know that
spiritually we're not quite right, and we need to be healed, and God
will send that healing agent right to the spot. And sometimes pain is
the only way that will turn us, as kids, back to the Father. So we've
learned a lot about that.

But I think the most important lesson that I've learned about the
Lord, I learned from my oldest son, James. As you heard, James would
have been 19, but he died right before Christmas.

James was a Christian, and he was, by far, the most sensitive, the
most compassionate, of all our boys -- very, very compassionate, very
sensitive. As most teenage boys today, James was getting a lot of
messages from the world that maybe that's not the way to be, and
you've all seen them on TV, in the movies, the music they listen to,
the magazines that they are able to read, and you get those
conflicting signals and mixed signals.

And he was struggling very much with how you should respond to the
world, and he ended up taking his life right before Christmas, and it
was tough. It was very, very painful. But as painful as it was, there
were some good things that came out of it.

When I was at the funeral, I talked about one of my biggest regrets,
and it goes right along with the last thing that Bart just shared.
James was home for Thanksgiving and was leaving, going back to school
and going back to work, and just the normal process. You don't think
about it. I said, "Hey, I'll see you later." My daughter took him to
the airport, we just exchanged, "See you later," and that was the
last time I saw him."

I talked to him on the phone a lot but never saw him again, and I
shared at the funeral that my biggest regret was that I didn't give
him a big hug the very last time I saw him.

I met a guy the next day after the funeral, and he said, "You know, I
was there, I heard you talking, I took off work today. I called my
son, and I said, "I'm going to take you to the movies, and we're
going to spend some time and go to dinner." That was a real, real
blessing to me. I've gotten a lot of letters like that from people
who have heard what I said and said, "Hey, you brought me a little
closer to my son," or "a little closer to my daughter," and that is a
tremendous blessing.

We are able to donate some of James's organs to Organ Donors Program;
got a letter back about two weeks ago that two people had received
his corneas and now can see.

[applause]

That has been a tremendous blessing. I had the privilege of talking
to a young man who is James's age who was going through some
struggles; didn't know if he could make it, and we talked for about a
week, and his voice just didn't sound good, but every day it sounded
a little bit better and better, and about 10 days later he called me
back and asked me how I was doing, and I could just feel in his voice
he was doing better, and he was going to make it, and that was a
tremendous blessing.

I got a letter from a girl in our church who had grown up with James,
and she said, "You know, we've been going to the same church in Tampa
for all these years. I sat there in church every Sunday but never
really knowing if there was a God or not. I came to the funeral
because I knew James. When I saw what happened at the funeral, and
your family and the celebration and how it was handled, that was the
first time I realized there has to be a God, and I accepted Christ
into my life, and my life's been different since that day."

[applause]

And that was an awesome blessing. So all those things have kind of
made me realize what God's love is all about. But here, the biggest
part of that, I know in my heart that James's death has affected many
people and benefited many people, and that makes me feel better, but
I also know this -- if God had had a conversation with me and said,
"I can help some people see; I can heal some relationships; I can
save some people's lives; I can give some people eternal life, but I
have to take your son to do it, you make the choice." I know how I
would have answered that. I would have said, "No, I'm sorry. As great
as all that is, I don't want to do that."

And that's the awesome thing about God. He had that choice, and He
said, "Yes, I'm going to do it" 2,000 years ago with His Son, Jesus,
on the cross. And because He said yes, because He made the choice
that I wouldn't make as a parent, that's paved the way for us to come
back into relationship with Him. That's paved the way for us to see
changed lives like Curtis's. That's let us know with certainty that
we can live in heaven. That's the benefit I got by accepting Christ
into my heart; that's the benefit James got.

I went back to work one week after my son died. I had a lot of media
people, a lot of sportswriters, a lot of fans ask me, "How could you
get back to work so quick after something like that? How have you
recovered so quickly?" And I'm not totally recovered. I don't know if
I ever will be. It's still very, very painful. But I was able to come
back because of something one of my good Christian friends said to me
after the funeral. He said this, "You know, James accepted Christ
into his heart, so you know he's in heaven, right?" I said, "Right, I
know that." So with all you know about heaven, if you had the power
to bring him back right now, would you?" And when I thought about
that, I said, "No, I wouldn't. I would not want him back with what I
know about heaven."

That's what helped me through the grieving process -- because of
Christ's Spirit in me, I had that confidence that James is there at
peace with the Lord, and I have the peace of mind in the midst of
something that's very, very painful. And that's my prayer today --
that everyone in this room would know that same thing.

Talking about Spring Training aproaching, and thought of you...

Also, I have found, as you would say (and yourself found) 'True Love'... as I wax poetic to the nausea of many pals, I can't help but think how you would have been happy and 'awwww'd right along with me.

Still miss ya, man. Sarah Silverman's show came out tonight, too. When we saw her at Fez, that was rad. And, you know what? She still hasn't riffed on Indians. (Although she is adorably filthy, still.)

Your Pal,
A-L
XOXO

For some reason, everything seems a lot harder now. Help me out if you can. Miss ya..

Hey Sunil -- Droppin a line to say what's up. I'm in the office a bit late tryin to make a dime and I thought of our conversations about this annoying business of ours. Anyway, miss you and thinking of you always.

Sup Sunil,
Sorry I haven't written in a while, work has been getting pretty hectic for me lately but I am sure you know that. Today is one of those days where I would definately be complaining in your ear about my job and of course I already know what you would've said. Still, right now I really wish I could just hear you say it. Life without you has been smacking me in the face so hard but I still don't fully accept it, maybe I just don't want to accept it. Who knows, unfortunately all I have are questions and seems I won't have any answers until I am lucky enough to see you in the afterlife. Take care of yourself and everyone buddy. Miss you so much

Hey Sun,

So, I didn't have to compete with you at midnight to wish Mommy a happy birthday. I was a few minutes late so you would have won. I was thinking last night how you would have called me to remind me (after your palm pilot reminded you) that it was Mommy's birthday and you would have asked what WE were getting her. The only gift she wants is something I can never give her so I will have to settle for making sure the baby keeps her busy the whole day.

Her first birthday without you... There aren't many "firsts" left now what your Orma Dossam approaches. Can't even imagine.

Anyway, the baby laughs every time we hold your picture or prayer card in front of him. He started doing this recently. What have you been up to? Do you guys play in secret when we aren't looking? Do you tell him stories? I tell him about you all the time but I love that you are hanging out with him more. I hope he doesn't get his rhythm from you... Shin says he gets his big hands and feet from you. Great. At the rate they are growing, he will be wearing Shin's shoes by next year.

Well, time to go. Watch over mom today. Be there with her on this tough day. Maybe you can hang out with Ammachi today since this is her Orma Dossam. Yup, a very hard day for mommy.

love you. miss you

just thinking of you. thinking of how I spoke with you last year this day, and a couple times b/w now and my birthday. giving you crap for not getting to the party - but then not getting there leading to the hour long convo the next day which is forever ingrained in my memory.

australia is gorgeous. leaving for New Zealand Saturday. I can't believe how fast time has gone. I am starting to feel really sad that I won't be around everyone in a few weeks, but I guess that is why I'm blessed with a wonderful man. I miss you so much. So much. It never gets easier. It just gets more real. And that just makes it harder. I wish you were coming here. I am going to dive. I am. But, why can't you be here with me?

So confused . . . happier than I've been in so long. So sad at times though. Wish you were here . . . Wish I could hear that voice and share a laugh with you. Wish you could have met Elliot. Miss you babe.

Happy Hearts Day Sweetheart.

Ive never meet you but reading all the entries that individuals who know you and care for you makes me sad and appreciate life so much more. I hope you know you have touched peoples lives that have never met you.

Many apologies for not writing in soo long. I have your picture up in my office so it's a little but easier to talk to you then having to read other people's memories. The heart feels so much heavier reading everyone's notes.

Well you know all the details of whats been going on, but I wish you were here to share the moments.

I wanted to thank you for all the idea flows and hope that you'll help me channel it further. I hope you are proud of us all.

Lots of love always.

Hey sunil,
Well, it's almost here; the day that marks one year since you left. It's so hard to believe still. The pain is so fresh even today. I've started to doubt that whole "time heals everything" mush. March 17th is the day this year's retreat is scheduled for our church, and every time i hear Achen say "March 17th", I just cringe in my seat. I just don't want to hear it I guess. I almost don't want the day to come...can't bear to see the pain all over again. It's going to be hard, but atleast everyone will be in church on your day praying. Alot of us will be thinking about you and asking u to pray for us. I hope u hear us. No...i know u will hear us.
We love u sunil.

There's something I've been wanting to tell you, although I've heard you must already know... I always pictured you there for my big day, piling your plate high with calamari during cocktail hour and hitting up that open bar with your boys. I hope you will be there in spirit. I remember how you always used to grab my hand saying, he still hasn't given you a rock?! Well, it finally happened and I wish you were here to grab my hand. Please keep praying for us down here as we continue to pray for your happiness and serenity. Miss you...

Today will mark a yr since I last saw you. This day has stuck in my head. I left work and headed to joshua tree or one of those bars on 3rd ave and 34th street area. Shinu and I were there first. We were watching the world baseball classic. Josh prasanth and yourself showed up a bit later. Josh was the proud new uncle and we were toasting to his unclehood.

I had just came back from an Asian trip. You told me how you wanted to travel, and I told you to come with us when we go on our next trip. We then went into our usual banter and debate about 2 things we care about, NY baseball and politics. I was explaining to you on what a pathetic organization the ACLU was, but you being the pinko liberal defended them. We then went on to talk bout the yanks and mets.

We left around 8 30 9. I took a cab back to queens, and you walked back to your apartment. For some reason, I just looked at you as my cab drove away. You were walking by yourself. Little I knew that would be my last time with you.

Lots of things have changed since then, but you already know that. God I miss talking to you about politics and baseball. Last week I was talking to your dad about the upcoming presidential election. I started thinking how hard it must be for him. I'm sure you two debated about politics. At least your dad has some sense on these issues :)

Wish I could hear your opinion.

Take care brother.

I miss you!

It's been a whole long while since I wrote on the site. Don't know why I haven't. I think about it all the time, but I don't need a website to tell me how much I miss you. I was talking to Anil today about you and everything surrounding the St. Patty's Day that will live in infamy. My life has changed in sooo many ways. So much good has come to me after you left this Earth. I know you are a huge part of that. I wish you were here to see all the positive things that are happening to a bunch of us.

The tears have not subsided much however, it is more done in my own solitude now. I wish you were still on this planet with us. I miss you sooo much. I've been on a plane ticket booking frenzy. We booked Mexico yesterday. The thought of you not being with us for the wedding of your comedic arch-nemesis Viji is such a shame. Our email circle has lost soooo much of its flare ever since you left. We all try to add the funny lines, but your witty rebuttals to our lame jokes is missing.

I think we have all tried to be there for each other. We all tried to help and fill the void left by you. It is simply amazing on how many people you really did touch, how many people looked to you for advice. Many of us have grown astronomically closer in the past year. Friendships have been renewed, new ones forged, all because of you. Even after you have left, your presence is still palpable. Just another example of your awesomeness.

I really don't know what else to say besides the fact that I miss you soooo much. There is NOT a day that goes by that I don't think about you or miss you. I have so much going on in my life and to think I am experiencing this without you saddens me sooo much. We were supposed to do everything together. That's just the way I thought it was going to be. Now I must carry on with you on my shoulder and not by my side.

You will always be my best friend.

Hey Sunil-
Exactly a year ago today is the last time I saw you....We had such a good time eating at the Hawaiian place and trying to go bowling... I always regret not coming to hang out with everyone afterwards...
It is still hard to accept and understand that you are not here with us. There isn't a day where I don't come to this site, or think of you or try to understand why you are not here with us.
I hope that wherever you are right now, you are at peace and happy...I hope that you are still making others laugh. I hope that you have found new friends to talk politics, sports, and music with..and most of all I hope that you are still smiling that brilliant smile of yours. Take Care.

Sunil,
...there was no "hey, how are u", nor was there any palchor served by you yesterday in church. Yesterday marked a year of the last time we saw you at church. Some Aunties still remember that...u calling them to your side saying, "aunti, there's more here." It just breaks my heart. My father's interpretation of that day still echoes in my mind, "..he served everyone sweets on his last sunday...almost like he
knew.." These are the last memories my family and i have of you, and it often replays in our minds and comes up in conversations. Yesterday, both your parents wished me a Happy Birthday in advance, and they did it with a smile that hid their tears. It was so painful to hear that, because i probably cannot even imagine how much pain that day brings for them, and here they are wishing me happiness. Those two are just some of the most amazing people i have ever known, for their strength and unshakeable faith in our Lord. That day is yours, and you will be in our hearts and minds. Tears will flow down from our eyes as prayers fly up for you. Catch them all sunil. Remember to visit us once in a while, will you? You know you are always welcome.

Saying goodbye to you a year ago on this day was just like any other goodbye from your visits. After 5 hrs of trying to bowl, scattegories, wine, prosciutto and cheese our hearts were content. You were showing off your new watch that could report the news, weather, sports scores etc. Everything except the time right Sunil :-) Time was the only thing that we did not need to keep an eye on because every moment was filled with joy. A few days later I would be wishing that time could stand still on the day we played scattegories. Since that day its been imperative that every moment that we spend with those that we love should be cherished. Wish you were here. I pray that you are at peace and looking down at us with a smile. Love you bro!!

I found this verse on my birthday, and I felt it summed up the struggle I have felt ever since you left us. I find it comforting, so I thought I would share. You've been gone for a while - but you're never more than a moment's thought away. Love you.

"I swear I will not dishonor
my soul with hatred,
but offer myself humbly
as a guardian of nature,
as a healer of misery,
as a messenger of wonder,
as an architect of peace."

3/15/06 - 6:01pm 212-332-8173 - New York, NY 10.0 mins.

This is the log of the last conversation you and I had. I was calling you from a beach front bar in Tampa rubbing it in because I just got done watching a Yankees spring training game and was enjoying an ice cold Miller Lt. during Happy Hour..."DUDE, there only 2 bucks!!!" We talked about the Yankees, I told you about how stuff was going on in Tampa. How Mariano pitched a lights out 3rd inning, and then was in his car by the 5th inning going home. How you should have come down w/ me. How we were going to go to Arizona in '07 for Spring Training.

It was a standard typical conversation for us. Since it was our last on this earth, I can sit back and analyze it in detail. I really did want you with me to experience the fun that I was having. I made fun of you because it was past 6pm and you were still at work. I could tell that you were happy that I was having a good time.

I found out later that you really were happy that I was having a good time because you were telling other people about my vacation the next day.

I know this posting sounds a little disjointed but I don't care. I have now completed one full year since I have spoken to you. I don't know what else to say that I already have not said before. You know how much I miss you. How much I love to hear people talk about you. How much I hurt whenever your name is mentioned. It's a double edged sword. I mention you all the time mainly because we are best friends, so of course I will invoke your name, but then a little piece of me will just begin to send this curdling pain to my heart and I will remember what it felt like to receive that phone call on 3/17.

Man, this prob. makes no sense but I don't know what else to say. I just miss you soooo much.

Today marks the official one year of the last time we hung out together. I still replay every moment in my head, wishing you were here to pick me up from work and take that walk with me down 3rd ave to your apt. I have been dreading this day but fortunately I have found major solace in a number of things, mainly my conversations with Prasanth. Our talks have really helped me but I know what we are both thinking, "Sunil should be here too." Every so often we lapse into silence, leaving room for you cuz we know you are somewhere making some witty remark, adding to our comedic banter. I have also found major solace in your favorite book, The Prophet. It's both amazing and foreboding at the same time. Here is a passage that really got to me, "You have walked among us a spirit, and your shadows has been a light upon our faces. Much have we loved you. But speechless was our love, and with veils has it been veiled. Yet now it cries aloud unto you, and would stand revealed before you. And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." Your last night here on Earth, we were telling you "you aren't as great as you think, Sunil." We could not be more wrong. The universe is less one great person now and we still feel that void a year later. I can't wait to see you again but for now I'll settle for my dreams. I miss you sweetie.

As all who knew you prepare for the upcoming day, you must know, see, and feel how loved and unforgotten you are. We miss you.

You know.. I come to this website a lot. I come for you and I come for myself. I don't get to see everyone as often as I should, but I get to hear their voices through what they write. I'm sitting in the same exact spot that I was 364 days ago. When my phone rang, I knew something was wrong before I even picked it up. A lot has changed since that day, but some things still stay the same. I hope you know how much everyone misses you.. Keep an eye on us if you can.